Dreams vs. Divine Intervention

It’s funny how a glimpse back into our past can open the flood gates to so many memories. Recently, I ran into some old friends…friends I hadn’t seen in almost 20 years. Suddenly, I find myself reminiscing about that time in my life and feeling more glad every moment that I’m no longer that naïve, selfish, stupid, little girl.

Also, there is that feeling of being older and realizing how much time has gone by between dreaming about growing up and actually doing it. In the midst my feelings of relief at being a totally different person (thanks to the redemption of the Lord in my life), there is also a kind of grief, too… a grief at the loss of so many dreams that did not come to pass.

When I was a young adult, 17 - 20, I dreamed of being an opera singer or a Broadway star. I dreamed of being discovered by a talent scout and given a part in a popular play or movie. Then I dreamed of being a great Ballroom dancer/actor/singer. My life seemed to stretch into an endless panorama of promise and fame.

All of those dreams faded when I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby in the face of those who advised me to get an abortion. I owe my decision primarily to my parents who stood by me even when my husband at the time wanted me to get rid of the baby.

I held my ground, with my parent’s support, and had a beautiful baby boy -- then got post-partum depression, caught my husband in an affair, moved out of our apartment and filed for a divorce. The only thing that kept me going during that time was my darling baby. But, the casualties were my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations, which evaporated like so much smoke in the wind.

Now, looking back over that time, you’d think that I’d have so many regrets…and I do: regrets at not making better decisions about relationships, regrets about burning bridges because of my naiveté, regrets at not following through in the face of a few challenges. However, God, in His infinite mercy, gave me so much more.

Those years were not the end of my trials -- that refining fire that burns away what is wood, hay and stubble -- but only the beginning. I didn’t learn what I needed to learn at that time. I learned a lot, but not all that God had for me.

God is continually bringing people into my life who rock my very core and shape me into who He wants me to be: a church in California full of people who knew how to show God’s love; a mother of 6 who taught me the joys of allowing children to be who they are within our parental boundaries; a family of 4 who took us in when there was “no room at the inn”; a mother of 2 who offered to get a job and help support me during a tough time; a man who showed me true commitment where none had before; two young boys who taught me to love even what is not mine; a troubled teen who taught us to accept people no matter their background; three beautiful baby girls, who taught me the beauty of God’s creation; a family in Maine who taught us how to discipline in love, look to the Word for truth, accept accountability and aspire to excellence in all things; a father/pastor, who taught us to look beyond what we see; a pastor in Amarillo who taught me the true meaning of hypocrisy; some home school families who saw value in all relationships; another pastor and church who demonstrated the refuge and restoration we have in Christ; and I could go on and on.

There have been many others, who have loved, accepted, valued, cared, shaken, stirred and poured out over us according to God’s plan. We have benefited by drawing closer and closer to what God has purposed for us.

In the face of all of these experiences… in the face of all of the orchestration we see in God’s big Symphony, how can I regret that my dreams did not come to fruition? When I was willing to “delight myself in the Lord”, God was true to His promise to give me “the desires of my heart”. He put new dreams into my psyche and rewrote the pages of my longing soul to reflect the eternal purposes He had for my life.

How exciting it is to look ahead! Now, instead of my own dreams, I can say with confidence “God, what are Your dreams for me? What is Your purpose today and tomorrow? How are You going to use my talents next?”

Now, I don’t always remember His redemption and His direction; but, God always finds a way to point me toward the right path -- even if it hurts. I’m so glad that God always keeps His promises and, in particular, His promise to “never leave me nor forsake me”.

Our meeting with my old friends was great. We talked about some of the old times, but we talked more about where we are now. She has such a love for the Lord in her heart and God is really using her life and talents to bless families and couples who need a new interest in their lives. She and her husband have been married for over 18 years (I sang at their wedding), and just that fact blessed me.

Regrets? Yes, but only over how I have responded to God; not about where He has taken me. I’m so glad that I have the family and children that I do. I’m so glad that I have the friends and relationships that I have. I’m so glad that God has continually shown me mercy and grace where I merited none and given me His visions for my life.


Ps. 37:4 - Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Heb. 13:5 - …be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.”

May I continue to learn the lessons that He has and respond the way that He would have me. May I look ahead to the growing up that I still have to do and rejoice that He will do the “tending and watering”.