“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” C. S. Lewis
One of the things I love about home schooling is that we have the time to do all kinds of things together. None of us, teacher or student, is stuck in a classroom all day waiting for the other to catch up or get the worksheets done. We can actually go out and help our sons and daughters conquer the world, which involves courage in taking risks and facing failures. We can model this thing called “trusting God” and help them do the same. This, after all, is the ultimate goal of teaching our children at home isn’t it? I can’t think of a better time or a better place to take risks, face failures and trust God than with my children while they still live at home.
Sitting on the top rail of the enclosure, I watched my daughter, Deanna, work with her horse. Standing in the center with the lead in one hand and a special “handy stick” in the other, she gave cues and made the animal do several different things. Here she was, so small compared to the horse, and the horse was doing everything she “told” her to do. It was amazing.
A few minutes into the demonstration, my youngest daughter, Leilani, came up to the rail. Looking up at me, she said, “Mom, can I drive the car around the outside of the arena? Just a few times? Please?” She was still too young to get her permit, but she was determined to know how to drive as soon as possible. “Ok,” I replied, and gave her the keys. “Just go slow and be very careful!” Smiling wide, she took the keys and the next thing I knew, the car was pulling off around the dirt track.
I turned my attention back to Deanna and Rasha. The mare was giving her a little trouble and Deanna was “getting after” her. Again, I was struck by the fact that Rasha was so much bigger than this teen and could easily run her over or pull her around. And yet, that is not what was happening. Rasha was trying attentively to understand what Deanna wanted and to do it. But there was the risk: that Deanna would be hurt.
The white of the Toyota caught my eye as Leilani drove a little quicker than I would like around the dirt track. She slowed down as she came around the curve to drive back toward me. It dawned on me that I may be taking a risk in allowing her to drive. Although, she really couldn’t hurt anything even if she did run into the hay bales, she was still just a little girl and the car was a big piece of machinery.
Needless to say, I was a little bit stressed: keeping an eye on Deanna, who had been working with Rasha alone for the last 3 months, and keeping an eye on Leilani as she drove around. I comforted myself with the fact that in order to have the courage to deal with things larger than themselves, they had to have practice – even if they might get hurt. They needed opportunities to trust God with the unknowns. Someday it was not going to be just a horse and a car. Someday it was going to be a marriage or a job or a child. If they had the courage and confidence with the horse and the car, then when the time came for the other challenges, they would be able to face them without fear knowing that God would be there. But it didn’t take all of my stress away.
I remember something my mother told me when my kids were toddlers. We were at the park one day and I was running around managing several little 2, 3 and 4 year olds with my mother’s help. Deanna was only about 15 months at the time, but she was walking and running around the playground determined to keep up with her brothers and playmates. As she watched her brother slide down the big slide, she decided that she could do it, too. My first instinct was to go and stop her from climbing up, but my mother touched my arm and said, “Be there, but let her try if she thinks she can do it. She knows what her body can do.” So, I spotted her as she climbed and then ran to the bottom of the slide to catch her when she came down. Whoosh! Suddenly, I had a very giggly little girl in my arms saying, “Again! Again!”
Now, she was conquering horse training with the same determination and fearlessness. With confidence, she was commanding the attention of a being larger than herself and learning the way to communicate patiently. Her trust in God seemed instinctive as the “spirit of power and a sound mind” showed up in her tone of voice and easy stance.
Leilani had parked the car and Deanna was now eliciting her help with Rasha. Leilani was given the lead and the “handy stick” and shown what to do. Deanna was now going to ride Rasha for the first time. She coached Leilani through the commands and allowed her to do it by herself a few times.
“Ok,” she called to Leilani. “Let me get up in the saddle. You hold the lead.” And up she went. Rasha was a little nervous, but obediently attended to Leilani’s commands as her ears swiveled between the girl in front and the voice behind. But, because of Deanna’s patience, Rasha was ready to have a rider and did very well. Meanwhile, I gripped the rail so tight my knuckles turned white and I think I bit my lip. But I was determined to model the trusting God part.
That evening I told Papa all about the adventures of the day. He was amazed and proud of his daughters and told them so. When we prayed, we thanked God for being there for them…and for me. May the Lord give me courage for the next adventure, conquering the “bigger things” along with my children.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2Ti 1:7
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God. Psa 20:7
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. Psa 37:5
Monday, August 15, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Bringer of Light
My son, Aaron, and his wife, Stephanie, have faced a few challenges in their fairly new marriage. I'm so glad that he has been willing to turn to the Lord in these times and gain new perspective by listening to the Holy Spirit. The world wants us to believe that new life only begins at birth, but we know, through the Word, that new life begins much sooner. Aaron and Stephanie acknowledge this and are blessed in their walk toward the Cross. What follows is their story:
STORY ABOUT OUR MISCARRIAGE:
So Steph had the miscarriage, but what followed the news was what was so encouraging.
Most dad's don't "own" their child until they get to hold her for the first time.The moment their eyes meet, he feels like a dad and waves of joy and responsibility wash over him like an overwhelming peaceful weight. Well, when Steph told me she was pregnant, I got excited and I bought a leather-bound journal and immediately started writing to the baby. I told her I was nervous and excited and told her the current gas prices, who is president, the cost of a candy bar, what her mother and I were preparing for so that she would be protected and loved the moment she arrived.
When we had the miscarriage and all of that shattered. I didn't realize I had withdrawn, until Stephanie expressed concern; but for three days I had disconnected from the rest of the family here. Steph and I had separated a bit and my relationships became business - getting jobs done. On the third evening, Steph told me to sit next to her on the bed. She said she feared that I hadn't cried a release of our baby and I was still holding on to it. I think deep down I knew I hadn't released her, but I didn't want to and I played it off as if she wasn't real, just a fetus and not a real person and that I was crazy to be excited over something so insignificant.
I sat with her and prayed. About 15 minutes passed and I was crying aloud, cradled in Stephanie's arms. (She is so loving!) I had helped her with her coping, but I hadn't paid much attention to me. Steph said that she would like it if we prayed for a release in our hearts, not a severance of our relationship with the baby, but a release of the pain of not having her here. Well we did, which spurred more tears. Steph said she had prayed earlier that week and asked God for her name, and He gave her "Alina," which means Bringer of Light. Well, we also prayed that The Lord Jesus would keep her safe and allow us to see her.
This is where the story gets good! I prayed those words, and Jesus put me in the presence of His Grace. I'm actually tearing up now writing this. I was standing in the throne room, where Alina sat in the throne, playing a life-sized cello. Her small child's hand struggled to press down the strings and move the bow at the same time. My logic kicked in and I couldn't know how she was holding it up, until I looked back behind her and the throne where Jesus stood over her, holding up the neck of the cello with one hand and resting the other on her shoulder. She was so beautiful.... is so beautiful. When I saw her playing this, she looked up and saw me. Her expression was one of complete and serene joy. She gave me a hug, in which I felt all the love I have never felt here on earth... the purest love. I bent down and felt so guilty because deep down I think I thought it was my fault (probably a hurt I need to face some day). She grieved in front of me, and I think she noticed my pain. She said not to worry about her, and that she would be waiting for me and her mother in heaven. She then got excited.
"Look at where I am, daddy," she said with her arms gesturing to the atmosphere, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"What?" Steph asked and I told her what I had seen. For about an hour or so, Steph and I cried and laughed together about the experience.
Most dad's don't get to own their baby until they carry her for the first time. I was a dad for only a short while, but I was a dad. When I see our three kids or however many God deems to give us, I will always see one more than what we have on earth. She really did bring light into our lives even though she was with us for just a short time...and she still does.
Stephanie feels closer to her mother now, since her mom had a miscarriage before as well. Stephanie and I grew more intimate together - able to reach places with each other we weren't reaching before. We have a testimony that I can tell men who have children, are about to have a child, or maybe even lost a loved one. I told this story at church one Sunday in front of the congregation. God touched quite a few men in the room by what I experienced. I remember a lady coming up to me and telling me that she couldn't remember the last time her husband cried, considering he's a "man's man," and dutiful men don't cry; but found himself asking her for the tissues on her other side.
We decided to keep the journal and keep writing to Alina anyway; and we have written to her since then. She seems to be our 'angel' we talk to when the going gets tough sometimes. We asked her to petition to God with us to protect this new baby (now that Steph is pregnant again), and that we miss her.
I love you, Alina, and your mother and I will see you someday.
_____
And now, Stephanie is pregnant again. I won't be stagnant and void of joyful emotion. I will take the gift our Lord Jesus gave us and be evermore excited about this baby, too. I bought a journal last night, and Steph and I wrote to the baby for the first time. I will be filled with joy and constantly pray for God's favor upon our lives, as He has been providing for us as long as I have released it to Him.
The moment you let it go (whatever trial that is), is the moment Jesus can pick it up. Wouldn't you rather he held the weight? After all, isn't that what He died for?
-Aaron
Love you guys and be praying for this pregnancy!
STORY ABOUT OUR MISCARRIAGE:
So Steph had the miscarriage, but what followed the news was what was so encouraging.
Most dad's don't "own" their child until they get to hold her for the first time.The moment their eyes meet, he feels like a dad and waves of joy and responsibility wash over him like an overwhelming peaceful weight. Well, when Steph told me she was pregnant, I got excited and I bought a leather-bound journal and immediately started writing to the baby. I told her I was nervous and excited and told her the current gas prices, who is president, the cost of a candy bar, what her mother and I were preparing for so that she would be protected and loved the moment she arrived.
When we had the miscarriage and all of that shattered. I didn't realize I had withdrawn, until Stephanie expressed concern; but for three days I had disconnected from the rest of the family here. Steph and I had separated a bit and my relationships became business - getting jobs done. On the third evening, Steph told me to sit next to her on the bed. She said she feared that I hadn't cried a release of our baby and I was still holding on to it. I think deep down I knew I hadn't released her, but I didn't want to and I played it off as if she wasn't real, just a fetus and not a real person and that I was crazy to be excited over something so insignificant.
I sat with her and prayed. About 15 minutes passed and I was crying aloud, cradled in Stephanie's arms. (She is so loving!) I had helped her with her coping, but I hadn't paid much attention to me. Steph said that she would like it if we prayed for a release in our hearts, not a severance of our relationship with the baby, but a release of the pain of not having her here. Well we did, which spurred more tears. Steph said she had prayed earlier that week and asked God for her name, and He gave her "Alina," which means Bringer of Light. Well, we also prayed that The Lord Jesus would keep her safe and allow us to see her.
This is where the story gets good! I prayed those words, and Jesus put me in the presence of His Grace. I'm actually tearing up now writing this. I was standing in the throne room, where Alina sat in the throne, playing a life-sized cello. Her small child's hand struggled to press down the strings and move the bow at the same time. My logic kicked in and I couldn't know how she was holding it up, until I looked back behind her and the throne where Jesus stood over her, holding up the neck of the cello with one hand and resting the other on her shoulder. She was so beautiful.... is so beautiful. When I saw her playing this, she looked up and saw me. Her expression was one of complete and serene joy. She gave me a hug, in which I felt all the love I have never felt here on earth... the purest love. I bent down and felt so guilty because deep down I think I thought it was my fault (probably a hurt I need to face some day). She grieved in front of me, and I think she noticed my pain. She said not to worry about her, and that she would be waiting for me and her mother in heaven. She then got excited.
"Look at where I am, daddy," she said with her arms gesturing to the atmosphere, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"What?" Steph asked and I told her what I had seen. For about an hour or so, Steph and I cried and laughed together about the experience.
Most dad's don't get to own their baby until they carry her for the first time. I was a dad for only a short while, but I was a dad. When I see our three kids or however many God deems to give us, I will always see one more than what we have on earth. She really did bring light into our lives even though she was with us for just a short time...and she still does.
Stephanie feels closer to her mother now, since her mom had a miscarriage before as well. Stephanie and I grew more intimate together - able to reach places with each other we weren't reaching before. We have a testimony that I can tell men who have children, are about to have a child, or maybe even lost a loved one. I told this story at church one Sunday in front of the congregation. God touched quite a few men in the room by what I experienced. I remember a lady coming up to me and telling me that she couldn't remember the last time her husband cried, considering he's a "man's man," and dutiful men don't cry; but found himself asking her for the tissues on her other side.
We decided to keep the journal and keep writing to Alina anyway; and we have written to her since then. She seems to be our 'angel' we talk to when the going gets tough sometimes. We asked her to petition to God with us to protect this new baby (now that Steph is pregnant again), and that we miss her.
I love you, Alina, and your mother and I will see you someday.
_____
And now, Stephanie is pregnant again. I won't be stagnant and void of joyful emotion. I will take the gift our Lord Jesus gave us and be evermore excited about this baby, too. I bought a journal last night, and Steph and I wrote to the baby for the first time. I will be filled with joy and constantly pray for God's favor upon our lives, as He has been providing for us as long as I have released it to Him.
The moment you let it go (whatever trial that is), is the moment Jesus can pick it up. Wouldn't you rather he held the weight? After all, isn't that what He died for?
-Aaron
Love you guys and be praying for this pregnancy!
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