Stress Together

“I have figured out exactly what the problem is, hon.” Ralph had been in the kitchen talking with one of his best friends.  Evidently, they had been discussing the various issues that they faced with their families.  I had interrupted their conversation by my unexpected early arrival home from work.

He was standing on one side of the kitchen island and I took up a position on the other side.  Looking at me very intensely and putting both of his hands, palms down on the counter, he declared, “You give me stress!”

At first, I just stared.  And then, to both men’s amazement, I began to laugh.  I laughed so hard that they were afraid that I couldn't stop.  I laughed enough to make them both start laughing themselves without really knowing why.  You might be asking, what was there to laugh about….  Well, I was thinking “Who gives who stress?!”

Flashbacks…

… Ralph makes me the mother of 4 over night.

… Ralph is out to sea while I am pregnant and have to move into our new apartment by myself.

… Ralph has a major car accident which effectively ends his military career about 3 years too soon.

… Ralph moves us to Maine.

… Ralph and I fail in our first attempt at our own business and we lose money.

… Ralph moves us to Amarillo and I get assaulted at a rest stop on the way.

… Ralph gets laid off of work and we lose our house.

… Ralph opens a coffee shop which doesn’t pay the bills…my income totally sustains us and the family living with us.

… Today, he is undergoing triple bypass surgery on his heart. 

We have laughed over the years about the “You give me stress.” comment.  He insists that his heart is proof of the truth of that statement.  I don’t know.  But I do realize that with all the things that we have gone through together, as much as each event in our history has put me under stress, they have put him under stress, too.

In so many cases over the years, I have seen only my own stress and my own hardships in the difficult events in our lives.  Recently, I have begun to realize that his stress was not only as great as my own but, perhaps, even more so because of his position as head of our household. 

Today, I am facing the possibility that I won’t have him anymore…that I may have to face the world and its stresses without the broad shoulders of my dearest friend and ally to help bear the load.   I have been challenged to reevaluate the past in light of his leadership and God-given position. 

Flashbacks…

…I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and Ralph just happened to call in time to be involved while my friend cut the cord.  We became a family of six with so much support and help that we both learned to be better parents as we went along.

…Ralph came home from overseas just in time to help me give birth to my second baby girl.  He was there during the C-section and was able to stay home for a few days to help.

…The car accident was not fatal (even though the car looked like it could have been) and it brought us back together as a family…and he was able to stay in the military for another 3 years.  Those were spent as a corrections officer in the Brig.

…Our move to Maine changed our lives – spiritually, physically and emotionally – for the better.  The family we lived with taught us a lot about life in Christ, home schooling, parenting and healthy living.  Lessons we have never forgotten.

…Our failed business taught us so many things…not the least of which was how to do business ethically and biblically.

…Ralph was and is my hero.  Whenever I am in doubt about my value, I remember his rescue of me at that Rest Stop in Tennessee.

…When we lost our house right after our move to Van Horn, our whole family learned the value of having nothing.  It gave us so much freedom and kept us from overspending and borrowing – because we couldn’t.  We learned how to live debt free.

…The Coffee Shop was a HUGE success…but not monetarily.  God showed up and taught us to trust Him in a REAL way.  Those lessons were so much more valuable than money.

Heart surgery is a scary thing.  My heart longs to give him its own help and strength.  However, I have to trust God to bring him through.  Whatever stress we face, we face it together and I want to do whatever I can to acknowledge the stress that he feels in the various other challenges we will have.  I think that I am just now beginning to learn what “dying to self” is really all about.

Rom 12:3  For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.