Order & Routine

I must govern the clock, not be governed by it. - Golda Meir

Raise your hand if you’re a home schooling mom who has ever decided to schedule her day. I’m sure there are quite a few hands if I could see them. Much of the time, my frustration has been that I have either scheduled and it didn’t work or I didn’t know where to start. It may be the same for some of you. For me it went something like this:

We got super excited after attending the home school conference at the beginning of the year. We purchased new curriculum and acquired new knowledge that we wanted to cram into that gray matter between our children’s ears and we said to ourselves: “We’ve got to get organized this year!” Then we began by sitting down and writing out a schedule – Wake up @ 7 am; Breakfast @ 8 am; Math @ 8:30; Spelling @ 9; etc. Once we had scheduled our day down to every 15-minute increment, we posted the schedule on the refrigerator and vowed to follow it to the T!

It usually took me to about Thanksgiving to realize that I hadn’t followed our schedule for about 2 months and to wonder why we still had it posted on the refrigerator. (I needed that magnet for the Thanksgiving Menu!) After a long sigh, the schedule found its way to file thirteen and we went on our way. Somehow we managed without a schedule and the kids had their gray matter filled to the brim (almost). After all these years, I have discovered that my family didn’t really crave a schedule; but they did crave a routine.

We, as mothers, know that our children need order in their day. We realize that when they have something to look forward to and can predict what comes next, our job is easier and they are happier. We know something must be done and we must drive it…thus the schedule. We have the right idea; but I propose that there is a better way. Allow a seasoned veteran give you a few tips (seasoned just means I’ve learned the hard way). What you need is routine; not schedule.

I have come to define routine as: the order of the day. Rather than using time to define what we do when, I use a list of “First this…then this”. Instead of trying to lock us into set hours in the day, we have come to value order; and what drives our routine is habit instead of the clock.

The first habit I want my children to have is the habit of rising early. I agree with Benjamin Franklin, who said “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” I also realize that once they are out on their own, there will be very few jobs to be had that will not require rising early. So the first order of routine is to get out of bed before 7:30 am.

The next important habit is exercise. Being over 40, I am acutely aware of the value of exercise as a daily habit and I want my children to have the same habit. So, the easiest exercise to do anywhere or anytime is walking. It is also the most effective exercise we can do. Thus the next in our line of routine: After rising, we go for a walk.

Another important habit for us to have is eating a good, healthy breakfast and we do that after our walk. Sometimes showers, clean up and brushing teeth come before or after and they each decide for themselves. Since they are tall enough to reach the counter, I usually encourage them to take turns making breakfast for the rest of us.

The habit of reading God’s Word daily and praying is one of the best habits. Therefore, the next thing on our list is Devotions. We usually read something from Scripture and then pray about our day, people who are sick and our own personal requests. This 15 or 20 minutes is one of the most important in our routine. I feel extremely discombobulated if, for some reason, we don’t have Devotions. It helps us to connect with each other and with God before we start the difficulties of our day.

If I can teach my children to do the more difficult tasks first, then I have taught them to make their days easier. The habit of tackling the hard things will come in handy in a job, at home or at college. Thus the next order of business for the day is the hardest subject; usually math or science. The rest of “school” is usually priority driven and each day has its priority subjects: Tuesday is Greek and Government, Wednesday is Grammar and World History, etc. Once the hardest subject is conquered, the rest of their work goes like clockwork.

The day continues with our list of “First this…then this”: first you finish your Greek exercises and then it will be lunch; first thing after lunch is reading and then finish your assignments; first you must do chores and then you can entertain yourself (another good habit) or go off to your afternoon job. In this way, we get much done and feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day --- most of the time.

Early in my motherhood career, my dear friend taught me the value of a bedtime routine with my then-young children. I realized that when we had a routine before bed, mom and dad would get a little alone time before turning in ourselves. So, when bedtime came, first we would put on PJs, then we would brush our teeth and then snuggle into bed for a story. It didn’t really matter when bedtime started (8 p.m. or 9 p.m. or 10 p.m.) it just mattered that we maintained the same order and “ritual”. To this day, my children usually follow this routine. In fact, most of them cannot sleep until they have read their books at the end of the day.

Anytime we get away from our routine, we feel a little out of whack. After a vacation or road trip, we are always happy to get back to our routine. After Christmas break or summer excursions, it always feels good to get back on track. Having a routine gives us all a framework on which to hang our daily activities and gives us a context in which to fit our extra appointments. Without a routine, I fear that our lives would be chaos and our time would be wasted. And yet, with a routine, there is always room for flexibility but with some security to fall back on.

The best test of our routine came when I was sick one day with the flu. I couldn’t get out of bed at all, much less at 7:30 a.m. However, the children did and took their walk. They came home and fixed breakfast, checked on me, prayed over me, and went to tackle their math and follow their priorities for their school work. When I was able to drag myself out of bed at three in the afternoon for some water, I found them in the kitchen amiably doing their chores before they did their “fun” stuff. I was able to go back to bed knowing that all was well. You see, routine has another benefit: it runs by itself; and isn’t that the whole point?

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Here’s my version: “Train your child in a good routine and when he gets older it will be something that he comes back to for the rest of his life.”

Bigger Things

“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” C. S. Lewis

One of the things I love about home schooling is that we have the time to do all kinds of things together. None of us, teacher or student, is stuck in a classroom all day waiting for the other to catch up or get the worksheets done. We can actually go out and help our sons and daughters conquer the world, which involves courage in taking risks and facing failures. We can model this thing called “trusting God” and help them do the same. This, after all, is the ultimate goal of teaching our children at home isn’t it? I can’t think of a better time or a better place to take risks, face failures and trust God than with my children while they still live at home.

Sitting on the top rail of the enclosure, I watched my daughter, Deanna, work with her horse. Standing in the center with the lead in one hand and a special “handy stick” in the other, she gave cues and made the animal do several different things. Here she was, so small compared to the horse, and the horse was doing everything she “told” her to do. It was amazing.

A few minutes into the demonstration, my youngest daughter, Leilani, came up to the rail. Looking up at me, she said, “Mom, can I drive the car around the outside of the arena? Just a few times? Please?” She was still too young to get her permit, but she was determined to know how to drive as soon as possible. “Ok,” I replied, and gave her the keys. “Just go slow and be very careful!” Smiling wide, she took the keys and the next thing I knew, the car was pulling off around the dirt track.

I turned my attention back to Deanna and Rasha. The mare was giving her a little trouble and Deanna was “getting after” her. Again, I was struck by the fact that Rasha was so much bigger than this teen and could easily run her over or pull her around. And yet, that is not what was happening. Rasha was trying attentively to understand what Deanna wanted and to do it. But there was the risk: that Deanna would be hurt.

The white of the Toyota caught my eye as Leilani drove a little quicker than I would like around the dirt track. She slowed down as she came around the curve to drive back toward me. It dawned on me that I may be taking a risk in allowing her to drive. Although, she really couldn’t hurt anything even if she did run into the hay bales, she was still just a little girl and the car was a big piece of machinery.

Needless to say, I was a little bit stressed: keeping an eye on Deanna, who had been working with Rasha alone for the last 3 months, and keeping an eye on Leilani as she drove around. I comforted myself with the fact that in order to have the courage to deal with things larger than themselves, they had to have practice – even if they might get hurt. They needed opportunities to trust God with the unknowns. Someday it was not going to be just a horse and a car. Someday it was going to be a marriage or a job or a child. If they had the courage and confidence with the horse and the car, then when the time came for the other challenges, they would be able to face them without fear knowing that God would be there. But it didn’t take all of my stress away.

I remember something my mother told me when my kids were toddlers. We were at the park one day and I was running around managing several little 2, 3 and 4 year olds with my mother’s help. Deanna was only about 15 months at the time, but she was walking and running around the playground determined to keep up with her brothers and playmates. As she watched her brother slide down the big slide, she decided that she could do it, too. My first instinct was to go and stop her from climbing up, but my mother touched my arm and said, “Be there, but let her try if she thinks she can do it. She knows what her body can do.” So, I spotted her as she climbed and then ran to the bottom of the slide to catch her when she came down. Whoosh! Suddenly, I had a very giggly little girl in my arms saying, “Again! Again!”

Now, she was conquering horse training with the same determination and fearlessness. With confidence, she was commanding the attention of a being larger than herself and learning the way to communicate patiently. Her trust in God seemed instinctive as the “spirit of power and a sound mind” showed up in her tone of voice and easy stance.

Leilani had parked the car and Deanna was now eliciting her help with Rasha. Leilani was given the lead and the “handy stick” and shown what to do. Deanna was now going to ride Rasha for the first time. She coached Leilani through the commands and allowed her to do it by herself a few times.

“Ok,” she called to Leilani. “Let me get up in the saddle. You hold the lead.” And up she went. Rasha was a little nervous, but obediently attended to Leilani’s commands as her ears swiveled between the girl in front and the voice behind. But, because of Deanna’s patience, Rasha was ready to have a rider and did very well. Meanwhile, I gripped the rail so tight my knuckles turned white and I think I bit my lip. But I was determined to model the trusting God part.

That evening I told Papa all about the adventures of the day. He was amazed and proud of his daughters and told them so. When we prayed, we thanked God for being there for them…and for me. May the Lord give me courage for the next adventure, conquering the “bigger things” along with my children.


For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2Ti 1:7

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God. Psa 20:7

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. Psa 37:5

The Ultimate Father

I sat in amazement as Mikayla played the piano and sang for Church. As she gained confidence, her voice filled the sanctuary and her fingers seemed to dance across the keyboard. This was only the second time I had heard her play and sing and the first time I had ever heard her play this particular piece. My first thought was “Wow!” My second was “How did she learn to do that?” And then, “Praise God! She is worshiping in spirit and truth!”

As a homeschooling mom, I tend to believe subconsciously that my children will only learn if I teach them. I think we all put that on ourselves from time to time; thus the reason that we get overwhelmed every once in a while. However, the real object of our home education is to inspire our children to learn on their own.
I think that one of the things that amazed me most about Mik’s playing was that we don’t even have a piano. She must have practiced on the piano at the church where we have our co-op on Fridays – and we only go there once a week. In this instance, she had learned something on her own without us even providing the resources. It reminded me that God is alive and active in our children’s lives whether we are involved or not.

“Train up a child in the way he (or she) should go, and when he is older, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Now, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. We did have a piano once and she took piano lessons; so she had learned some of the fundamentals. She also has access to a guitar, which she plays semi-regularly. We also sing worship songs at home and listen to worship music in the car when we go places. Many of the “pieces” were there for her to be inspired (by God) to put them together.

I think that is my point, which gives me great hope and peace for the future. That is that if we but point our children in the right direction and do our best to give them the tools, God will draw them to Himself. God will fill in the gaps where we were inadequate and provide the resources when we cannot. After all, whose children are they anyway? As the ultimate Father, He is at work, always, preparing those for whom He has purpose.

Lord, may I never forget that You are drawing all unto Yourself, including my children. Help me cooperate with You in Your purpose for them.

Better Homes

I’ve never had a Better Homes & Gardens home – except in my dreams, of course. Although I’ve always wanted my walls to sport stylish wall groupings and have pristine suede furniture, I’ve had to face the reality that it wouldn’t last long with all of the sports in the house and wrestling over the furniture.

Instead, my children have fond memories of a swing in the middle of the living room, a child’s plastic slide/gym touching the ceiling in our play room, hammocks in their bedrooms, and walls and walls of books stacked every which way as long as they fit. Just keeping everything somewhat picked up, semi-organized and clean was all I could do.

As they got older and I no longer had a daycare in my home, my husband and I talked about upgrading from yard-sale finds to almost-new stuff. But that idea went out of the window as our children were constantly bringing home live-in friends or stray dogs and cats. (Sigh!) Then our living room started masquerading as a classroom and our dining room became our science lab slash craft room.

Every once in a while, I’d get the urge to redecorate or do a makeover. Then for the next several weeks I’d be totally preoccupied with paint, molding, “accents”, etc. Additionally, to go with the new look, I’d have to clean, vacuum, dust, rearrange, and you-name-it for the next several weeks after that. It was during one of these times that I had a revelation…not, unfortunately, due to my own soul-searching.

This time my oldest daughter was sitting across from me in my bedroom with tears running down her cheeks. “Mom! You’re hardly ever home! And when you are home, you’re not really HERE! I feel like you’re leaving everything to me.” My first thought was that I was usually home and what did she mean ‘you’re not here’? As she explained, it dawned on me that being with my kids meant being with my kids. You know, focusing on them, listening to them, responding to them. What had happened was that I was putting how my home looked above the needs of my daughters. As a result, my oldest was feeling abandoned. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. That was the end of my focused redecorating.

Now, when I get the urge to do a home makeover, I have to ask myself, “What is really going to matter in 10 years?” The wall groupings? The matching furniture? The laundry and ironing I got done? No. In 10 years, it will matter that I listened to my kids, came along side them in their challenges, and encouraged them in their goals. In 10 years, I may not even remember what color my kitchen curtains happened to be.

Curriculum or Learning

This year has been a tough year. New house, new town, new friends, new church, new vehicle, and new challenges had all taken their toll on our routine. Sitting at my desk, going over papers and tests, I was frustrated. What had my kids really accomplished this year?! I was trying to do an honest assessment so that I would have a starting point for planning the curriculum that I would use next year. I’m sure you’ve been there. It’s that time of year.

Our West Texas Wildlife project had fizzled and died after my computer crashed and we lost all of the pictures we’d taken. We’d only gotten half way through our Astronomy because we needed more work in Math. The Rosetta Stone Spanish got abandoned in January when my computer crashed again! The kids have been told that they will be doing Math through the Summer in order to get back on track.

The more I worked the more discouraged I became. What had happened?! Why couldn’t I follow through?! I had visions of them being 21 before graduating high school.

I came up for air to look around for the suspiciously quiet ladies and gentlemen in question. Adrian was on his computer working on yet another logo in Adobe Photoshop to go with his skateboarding video he was working on in Windows Movie Maker. Terence was out cleaning out his car that he’d bought and fixed up with the local mechanic. Deanna was at the sewing machine making a purse for her sister out of an old pair of jeans, decorating it with scraps of fabric she’d found in my stash. Mikayla was in the art center up to her eyeballs in acrylics, painting a beautiful picture of summer fantasy flowers. Leilani was at the stove in the kitchen making herself a scrambled egg burrito and salad.

Gradually, I began to relax. So, we didn’t get through all of the curriculum I had planned. Life had happened! Opportunities had arisen that we had seized as they came across our path. The children had gravitated toward learning those things which were important to them, which is good. Besides, we did complete their 2nd year of Latin all the way through with straight As and the kids had all made new friends.

Now, that doesn’t mean that we won’t do Math through the summer, but it does mean that I’ll quit stressing over the curriculum that we didn’t get to this year. There will be time for Astronomy and Spanish next year.

I remembered the baby birds that the kids had been keeping an eye on in the beams of our carport and the horny toad that the boys caught so that the girls could examine him. We’d taken field trips to the Guadalupe Mountains, the Davis Mountains, Balmorea and Las Cruces. Just because we hadn’t finished our photography journal, didn’t mean that we hadn’t learned anything -- it just meant that we didn’t get all of the paper work done.

When the opportunity arose for the girls to do a play with some other home schoolers in Alpine, we took it and they learned the 8 parts of speech in a totally new way. When Terence got the opportunity to work with a mechanic and learn about his own car, he took it and learned a lot. When the boys were given the opportunity to clean out the abandoned pool in front of our house and use it as a makeshift skate park, they took and had a blast. When the girls were given the opportunity to take piano lessons, we jumped in with both feet and they all did well.

What am I stressing about?! Isn’t this what home schooling is all about? Of course, it is! We home school so that we can have flexibility and not be tied to any one curriculum or one subject just for the sake of the “points”. Learning, living, laughing, and loving each other are the real goals.

As I went back to my “assessments”, I was looking at them from a different perspective. The curriculum had been only a starting point toward our real goals and we’d done pretty well with those. There were some places for improvement -- attitudes, responsibility, follow through, showing love to one another -- but those were things that needed more practice that any curriculum could provide.

I began writing down what my children DID learn this year and by the time I’d finished I was surprised at the list. Wow!! Learning had been happening in spite of the paperwork! Yea! Success!! I now had so many ideas for next year that I had to tell myself to slow down. After all, there are only so many hours in a day.

So, as we do Math and Reading through the Summer, I’ll relax and tell my children how proud I am of them and what they have accomplished this past year. I’ll take some time to read aloud to them and plan summer trips and outings. Most of all, I’ll take the time to hug them, discover with them and play with them. That’s what it’s really all about.