Order & Routine

I must govern the clock, not be governed by it. - Golda Meir

Raise your hand if you’re a home schooling mom who has ever decided to schedule her day. I’m sure there are quite a few hands if I could see them. Much of the time, my frustration has been that I have either scheduled and it didn’t work or I didn’t know where to start. It may be the same for some of you. For me it went something like this:

We got super excited after attending the home school conference at the beginning of the year. We purchased new curriculum and acquired new knowledge that we wanted to cram into that gray matter between our children’s ears and we said to ourselves: “We’ve got to get organized this year!” Then we began by sitting down and writing out a schedule – Wake up @ 7 am; Breakfast @ 8 am; Math @ 8:30; Spelling @ 9; etc. Once we had scheduled our day down to every 15-minute increment, we posted the schedule on the refrigerator and vowed to follow it to the T!

It usually took me to about Thanksgiving to realize that I hadn’t followed our schedule for about 2 months and to wonder why we still had it posted on the refrigerator. (I needed that magnet for the Thanksgiving Menu!) After a long sigh, the schedule found its way to file thirteen and we went on our way. Somehow we managed without a schedule and the kids had their gray matter filled to the brim (almost). After all these years, I have discovered that my family didn’t really crave a schedule; but they did crave a routine.

We, as mothers, know that our children need order in their day. We realize that when they have something to look forward to and can predict what comes next, our job is easier and they are happier. We know something must be done and we must drive it…thus the schedule. We have the right idea; but I propose that there is a better way. Allow a seasoned veteran give you a few tips (seasoned just means I’ve learned the hard way). What you need is routine; not schedule.

I have come to define routine as: the order of the day. Rather than using time to define what we do when, I use a list of “First this…then this”. Instead of trying to lock us into set hours in the day, we have come to value order; and what drives our routine is habit instead of the clock.

The first habit I want my children to have is the habit of rising early. I agree with Benjamin Franklin, who said “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” I also realize that once they are out on their own, there will be very few jobs to be had that will not require rising early. So the first order of routine is to get out of bed before 7:30 am.

The next important habit is exercise. Being over 40, I am acutely aware of the value of exercise as a daily habit and I want my children to have the same habit. So, the easiest exercise to do anywhere or anytime is walking. It is also the most effective exercise we can do. Thus the next in our line of routine: After rising, we go for a walk.

Another important habit for us to have is eating a good, healthy breakfast and we do that after our walk. Sometimes showers, clean up and brushing teeth come before or after and they each decide for themselves. Since they are tall enough to reach the counter, I usually encourage them to take turns making breakfast for the rest of us.

The habit of reading God’s Word daily and praying is one of the best habits. Therefore, the next thing on our list is Devotions. We usually read something from Scripture and then pray about our day, people who are sick and our own personal requests. This 15 or 20 minutes is one of the most important in our routine. I feel extremely discombobulated if, for some reason, we don’t have Devotions. It helps us to connect with each other and with God before we start the difficulties of our day.

If I can teach my children to do the more difficult tasks first, then I have taught them to make their days easier. The habit of tackling the hard things will come in handy in a job, at home or at college. Thus the next order of business for the day is the hardest subject; usually math or science. The rest of “school” is usually priority driven and each day has its priority subjects: Tuesday is Greek and Government, Wednesday is Grammar and World History, etc. Once the hardest subject is conquered, the rest of their work goes like clockwork.

The day continues with our list of “First this…then this”: first you finish your Greek exercises and then it will be lunch; first thing after lunch is reading and then finish your assignments; first you must do chores and then you can entertain yourself (another good habit) or go off to your afternoon job. In this way, we get much done and feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day --- most of the time.

Early in my motherhood career, my dear friend taught me the value of a bedtime routine with my then-young children. I realized that when we had a routine before bed, mom and dad would get a little alone time before turning in ourselves. So, when bedtime came, first we would put on PJs, then we would brush our teeth and then snuggle into bed for a story. It didn’t really matter when bedtime started (8 p.m. or 9 p.m. or 10 p.m.) it just mattered that we maintained the same order and “ritual”. To this day, my children usually follow this routine. In fact, most of them cannot sleep until they have read their books at the end of the day.

Anytime we get away from our routine, we feel a little out of whack. After a vacation or road trip, we are always happy to get back to our routine. After Christmas break or summer excursions, it always feels good to get back on track. Having a routine gives us all a framework on which to hang our daily activities and gives us a context in which to fit our extra appointments. Without a routine, I fear that our lives would be chaos and our time would be wasted. And yet, with a routine, there is always room for flexibility but with some security to fall back on.

The best test of our routine came when I was sick one day with the flu. I couldn’t get out of bed at all, much less at 7:30 a.m. However, the children did and took their walk. They came home and fixed breakfast, checked on me, prayed over me, and went to tackle their math and follow their priorities for their school work. When I was able to drag myself out of bed at three in the afternoon for some water, I found them in the kitchen amiably doing their chores before they did their “fun” stuff. I was able to go back to bed knowing that all was well. You see, routine has another benefit: it runs by itself; and isn’t that the whole point?

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Here’s my version: “Train your child in a good routine and when he gets older it will be something that he comes back to for the rest of his life.”

The Gift of Your Presence

Yesterday I was having a great conversation with one of my clients. We were talking about our children and how fast they grow up. She is a young parent with one child and I was the older parent with three high schoolers and three grown children. One of the things that she said to me was: “I’m afraid that if it’s always just him and me, he will be so tired of me that he will not be able to wait to leave.” For a moment I was floored! Then I realized that I have a totally different perspective.

We’ve all heard the old adage: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder!” This may sound cute in relation to a couple who has been around each other so much that they are beginning to take each other for granted. Other than that, it is really the opposite that is true. The more time we spend with each other, the fonder of each other we become.
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We sat in my bedroom at the beginning of the day. We try to start the day with devotions and prayer, but today we were moving in slow motion. Deanna, my oldest daughter, asked me what my schedule was and I told her that I had to be at work by one o’clock.

“Mom,” Mikayla was whining a little, “you’re never home! And when you are at home, you’re not here!” She was really upset. “I want you to spend more time with us. I want to do something fun with you!”

“Honey, I am home a lot of the time.” My first instinct was to defend myself. “What do you mean, ‘when you’re home you’re not here’?”

“You’re on the computer or on the phone making appointments or something.” I knew that she was exaggerating a little and the word “never” was inserted in order to express her feelings – which were valid. So I tried to hear her heart.

For a few minutes I thought over the last couple of weeks. She was right in that I had been really busy with work, the coffee shop and the regular home management. We had been trying to catch up on laundry after our machine had been broken for a couple of weeks. We had also been making up for lost income and higher bills due to the “big freeze” recently. In other words, life had been happening.

“I have an idea.” I announced to all three girls. “Why don’t we all do something fun today. Let’s get our cowboy hats and boots on and go out to the overlook and just take some fun pictures.”

Suddenly the room lit up. All three of my daughters were suddenly excited. They rushed around upstairs for a few minutes getting the necessary props and putting on the “costumes” and then we were off. We spent the next hour and a half at the overlook just outside of town. The weather was perfect and the breeze was just enough to make some really cool pictures for our Facebook pages.

At the end of our photography session, we took the camera to the Cornerstone Coffee Shop where the girls proudly showed Dad. Our “girls day out” became the focus of conversation and comment amongst the family and several customers during the course of the day.

I had also realized something really important: my daughters needed and wanted my presence in their lives more often; that they needed my attention, my real presence, not just my body located at home. They really just wanted to spend time with me…doing something together. You’d think that in home educating, stuff like this would happen all of the time. Unfortunately, we get caught up in life, tasks and schoolwork; forgetting the time. We forget that only in quantity will we get quality.

I praise God every day that my children are fond of me. I’m so ecstatic that they want to spend time with me and think it is cool to hang out with mom. I’m glad that they tell me when they are missing that time with me and that they want more of it. I wish I could split myself into three sometimes so that that I could make sure that their time with me was enough.

Lord, give me the time I need for my kids. Show me how to spend more time with them. Help me to recognize when to set life aside and “gather my chicks” for a time of fellowship with them.

“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” Eph 5:15, 16 (KJV)