Several years ago, my oldest son, Aaron, graduated High School. At the time, we talked about having a ceremony or perhaps participating in the support group’s organized graduation. Aaron, being a typical teen, begged me not to make him wear a cap and gown and walk across a stage. He told me that he would be mortified! Unfortunately, I gave in and we had a few friends over to the house and handed him his diploma without any fuss.
Shortly after, we were up at 4 a.m. praying over him and watching as the Army recruiter took him away to boot camp. I cried. Everything felt like it had moved too fast. It felt as if there were no real closure, no official beginning; only a fuzzy feeling that something wasn’t right. I get the same feeling when we don’t start the day with devotions and prayer. The memories I have of that time are also fuzzy and confusing, muddled together with my grief at his leaving and the darkness of the early morning.
About 3months later, I was privileged to attend Aaron’s graduation from boot camp. In contrast to our “high school graduation”, it was rife with pomp and circumstance; ritual and ceremony. They stood and recited their pledges to the American flag, received awards for certain accomplishments, and each was commended for his participation and completion of a very difficult, physically grueling and emotionally taxing ordeal. They were each declared, before witnesses, a Soldier and ready to move forward into a new beginning as a member of the Army of the United States of America.
I realized that day how important ceremony was in remembering the milestones in one’s life. When marking those events, the memories that we make for our children and us, as parents, are so important to the shaping of their future. I know Aaron looks back on that day he graduated boot camp with pride and a feeling of accomplishment. I know that it encourages him when he feels inadequate. If he could go through boot camp and be declared a Warrior by his superior officer, then he can accomplish anything! Likewise, I remember his accomplishment with a feeling of closure and a clearer picture of his future.
This year, my oldest daughter, Deanna, graduated from High School. When I talked to her about a graduation ceremony, I again heard the “please don’t make me…” Thankfully, this time I didn’t give in.
Deanna stood at the back of the church in her forest green cap and gown. As I sang “The Impossible Dream” (From The Man of La Mancha), she began walking slowly down the aisle as the audience stood and honored her. When she came up onto the stage with me, I finished singing and gave her a hug.
She had worked on a PowerPoint of some of the highlights of her life, which we showed as she played “The Mirror” by Yanni on the piano. The pictures she chose represented her baby life; her childhood smiles, cooking with Papa, banging on the piano with her sister; her teen years as she cooked by herself, trained her horse, went to prom; and the last picture was her in her cap and gown doing a victory pose. The whole crowd of witnesses laughed at that one.
Her speech, prepared in between studying for some tests, was about how she had been preparing for success in life. How she had discovered that she was the only one responsible for her learning; how experiences, which she was given time in her day to experience, increased her knowledge; and how her parents had prepared her for failure, which equaled success no matter what she chose to do.
She delivered her speech with such confidence and conviction, I’m sure that everyone who heard was inspired toward their own success. I just held back tears and tried not to look at her father, who was also trying not to look like he was crying. We were so proud.
At the conclusion of her speech, she called us up onto the stage with her so that she could read a letter she had written to us. In it she thanked us for everything that we had done to help prepare her for the future. If there hadn’t been tears before, there were a few now.
As her parents, we had both written short remarks to her that we read aloud. Mine was about how I had seen her progress through the years. I told how she had developed the character that I admired through times of challenge in her past. Her father spoke a Blessing over her. He told her that God knew her even before she was born and that she was living up to the meaning of her name (Spiritual leader, consecrated to God, a servant of the King) and that she would be able, with God’s help, to face and overcome the challenges of the future. He told her that we would always be here to pray, advise, and help her if she needed us, but that, as her father, he released her into adulthood to begin her own adventure and leave her own legacy.
Everyone in the audience stood as we presented her with her Diploma. As her mother and primary teacher, I cannot tell you what a thrill this gave me. I felt like I was graduating, too. I’m pretty sure that there were not many dry eyes as I shifted her tassel from one side to the other. The applause rang out as we presented her as a graduate.
At the end of the night, we were all exhausted and exhilarated at the same time…especially Deanna. It was a night that we will all remember for the rest of our lives. It was a night that we can look back on and say “she accomplished this!” and Deanna can look back on and say “that was the day I graduated from high school!” It was a night that marked the end of a season and the beginning of another. Because there was closure of the one season, we can all help, release, guide, encourage and inspire Deanna on into the next.
Deanna – May God guide you into your future. May He be with you in your adventures. May He show you the clear path into the special future that He has for you. May He give us, your parents, the wisdom to deal with you according to this new season and help you continue your journey.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Carpe Diem!
The illimitable, silent, never-resting thing called Time, rolling, rushing on, swift, silent, like an all-embracing ocean-tide, on which we and all the universe swim like exhalations, like apparitions which are, and then are not.... ~Thomas Carlyle
It had been a long day. Homeschooling and working full time is not an easy task. Thank goodness my children are responsible (most of the time) teenagers who can do their school work with only a little oversight. I was looking forward to getting home, relaxing in front of the TV and watching a movie. However, as I was locking up the salon and putting my things together to go home, Deanna called me.
“Mom!! I got my first pay check today!!” I can almost hear her bouncing up and down on the other end of the phone. “I know it’s kinda late, but can we go to El Paso tonight?! I need to get a few things and we can’t get them here at Dollar General. Pleeeeease!! I’ll help you drive!” I wasn’t sure that last remark would help her cause.
Realize that El Paso is 120 miles from our house and it is about 5 o’clock in the evening. I have to work again tomorrow, so we have to be home by 1 p.m. the next day.
“Well, let me think it over.” I tell her as I get into my car to come home. I can hear the disappointment in her voice as she says a reluctant, “Okay.”
Several years ago, my sister and I were talking about New Year’s Resolutions. She was sharing with me that instead of making a list of resolutions she chooses a theme for the year and tries to remember it as she lives day to day. One year it was Hope, another year it was something else and so on. So, remembering these conversations, I decided to choose a theme for this year.
My daughter is graduating high school; my oldest son is having a baby; my younger son is contemplating marriage; my other daughters are flying through high school; and I am acutely aware that the “empty nest” is coming up fast. Therefore, my theme this year is: Carpe Diem! (Seize the day!). Every day I want to bear in mind the short and sweet time that I have with my children. I want to seize every moment and enjoy every hour. In a very short time, they will all be off making lives of their own in which I will play only a peripheral role.
It is with this in mind that I contemplate Deanna’s request. I could tell her that I am very tired and want to go to bed early. I could tell her that we can go another day (which may or may not happen this month). I could tell her that she will have to talk to her father and maybe he will be willing to take her. But….Carpe Diem! I believe that this is a “capturable” time and I decide that she and I will go and spend her first-ever pay check just like she has been planning since she began looking for a job.
We had a wonderful time! During the two hours there and the two hours back, we had some good conversations. We didn’t get to go to too many places, but Deanna did treat us to dinner and a movie; and she got the few things that she was wanting. We got home about 1 a.m., but the time was worth every second.
A few weeks later, Mikayla and I went to the store to get some groceries. She looked a little pensive and I asked her what was up. “We just don’t seem to have enough time together, Mom!” she told me. “Can we go out to lunch today? Do you have to be at work at 1 p.m.?” I could tell her that I have to be at work and that we will have to do it another time. I could tell her that we can’t afford it and would have to wait till next week. But…Carpe Diem!! I decide that I can go to work late (and I call my colleague to tell her) and we decide to go to our favorite Mexican restaurant.
We had a good talk over the botanas and fajita burritos with salsa. We didn’t really talk about anything important, but every moment was valuable and the fact that it was just me and her was a special thing. I got to work late, but didn’t miss any appointments and we took a bean burrito to her sister who was doing her school work at home.
As the months go by, I am trying to be aware of those times that I can put off the daily tasks (that will get done one way or another anyway) and spend those beautiful moments with my daughters. Sometimes it is just sitting outside on our porch with glasses of iced tea or water, each of us with our own books to read. Sometimes we all jump into the car and drive to El Paso to do some shopping, spend time with friends or see a movie.
A few mornings ago, I got up at my usual 7 a.m. and went to wake up the girls. I love to go into their rooms and say “Rise and Shine!” in an annoying way and hear them groan. However, that day Deanna and Leilani (who share a bed right now) looked so peaceful that I decided to join them. I climbed into bed between them and snuggled down. They cuddled up with me and we “napped” for a few minutes. It wasn’t long before Mikayla came in and joined the party. We spent the next 30 minutes giggling and tickling each other and doing our best to stay on the small double bed. Time stood still. The chores would get done, school work would be started, laundry would get cleaned and breakfast would be had --- all in time. But this moment together would never come again.
Carpe Diem!! My theme for this year. May I learn to seize each moment that I have with my children. All too soon these precious times will be gone. And…how will they learn to “seize the day” with their children if I don’t do it with them? May I never be too distracted with the mundane things in my day that I forget to put attention where it needs to be --- on the hearts and spirits of my children. May I seize each second to connect with them and cement our relationships so that when they do leave, they will return (in a good way) and cherish their time with me.
Eph 5:15 & 16
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Jas 4:14
…whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. What is your life? For ye are a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away.
It had been a long day. Homeschooling and working full time is not an easy task. Thank goodness my children are responsible (most of the time) teenagers who can do their school work with only a little oversight. I was looking forward to getting home, relaxing in front of the TV and watching a movie. However, as I was locking up the salon and putting my things together to go home, Deanna called me.
“Mom!! I got my first pay check today!!” I can almost hear her bouncing up and down on the other end of the phone. “I know it’s kinda late, but can we go to El Paso tonight?! I need to get a few things and we can’t get them here at Dollar General. Pleeeeease!! I’ll help you drive!” I wasn’t sure that last remark would help her cause.
Realize that El Paso is 120 miles from our house and it is about 5 o’clock in the evening. I have to work again tomorrow, so we have to be home by 1 p.m. the next day.
“Well, let me think it over.” I tell her as I get into my car to come home. I can hear the disappointment in her voice as she says a reluctant, “Okay.”
Several years ago, my sister and I were talking about New Year’s Resolutions. She was sharing with me that instead of making a list of resolutions she chooses a theme for the year and tries to remember it as she lives day to day. One year it was Hope, another year it was something else and so on. So, remembering these conversations, I decided to choose a theme for this year.
My daughter is graduating high school; my oldest son is having a baby; my younger son is contemplating marriage; my other daughters are flying through high school; and I am acutely aware that the “empty nest” is coming up fast. Therefore, my theme this year is: Carpe Diem! (Seize the day!). Every day I want to bear in mind the short and sweet time that I have with my children. I want to seize every moment and enjoy every hour. In a very short time, they will all be off making lives of their own in which I will play only a peripheral role.
It is with this in mind that I contemplate Deanna’s request. I could tell her that I am very tired and want to go to bed early. I could tell her that we can go another day (which may or may not happen this month). I could tell her that she will have to talk to her father and maybe he will be willing to take her. But….Carpe Diem! I believe that this is a “capturable” time and I decide that she and I will go and spend her first-ever pay check just like she has been planning since she began looking for a job.
We had a wonderful time! During the two hours there and the two hours back, we had some good conversations. We didn’t get to go to too many places, but Deanna did treat us to dinner and a movie; and she got the few things that she was wanting. We got home about 1 a.m., but the time was worth every second.
A few weeks later, Mikayla and I went to the store to get some groceries. She looked a little pensive and I asked her what was up. “We just don’t seem to have enough time together, Mom!” she told me. “Can we go out to lunch today? Do you have to be at work at 1 p.m.?” I could tell her that I have to be at work and that we will have to do it another time. I could tell her that we can’t afford it and would have to wait till next week. But…Carpe Diem!! I decide that I can go to work late (and I call my colleague to tell her) and we decide to go to our favorite Mexican restaurant.
We had a good talk over the botanas and fajita burritos with salsa. We didn’t really talk about anything important, but every moment was valuable and the fact that it was just me and her was a special thing. I got to work late, but didn’t miss any appointments and we took a bean burrito to her sister who was doing her school work at home.
As the months go by, I am trying to be aware of those times that I can put off the daily tasks (that will get done one way or another anyway) and spend those beautiful moments with my daughters. Sometimes it is just sitting outside on our porch with glasses of iced tea or water, each of us with our own books to read. Sometimes we all jump into the car and drive to El Paso to do some shopping, spend time with friends or see a movie.
A few mornings ago, I got up at my usual 7 a.m. and went to wake up the girls. I love to go into their rooms and say “Rise and Shine!” in an annoying way and hear them groan. However, that day Deanna and Leilani (who share a bed right now) looked so peaceful that I decided to join them. I climbed into bed between them and snuggled down. They cuddled up with me and we “napped” for a few minutes. It wasn’t long before Mikayla came in and joined the party. We spent the next 30 minutes giggling and tickling each other and doing our best to stay on the small double bed. Time stood still. The chores would get done, school work would be started, laundry would get cleaned and breakfast would be had --- all in time. But this moment together would never come again.
Carpe Diem!! My theme for this year. May I learn to seize each moment that I have with my children. All too soon these precious times will be gone. And…how will they learn to “seize the day” with their children if I don’t do it with them? May I never be too distracted with the mundane things in my day that I forget to put attention where it needs to be --- on the hearts and spirits of my children. May I seize each second to connect with them and cement our relationships so that when they do leave, they will return (in a good way) and cherish their time with me.
Eph 5:15 & 16
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Jas 4:14
…whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. What is your life? For ye are a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Stress Test
American youth attributes much more importance to arriving at driver's license age than at voting age. ~ Marshall McLuhan
I looked down at my hands wondering why they hurt. My knuckles were white and fingers clenched. As soon as I relaxed my hands, the dull ache went away.
You’d think that after the first four, the fifth would be easier. Not so. I think it’s because each child is an individual; and therefore, each is individual in the way they interpret the rules of the road.
As a home schooling parent, teaching Driver’s Ed as you would any other subject seems natural. Unlike any other subject, however, there are certain risks involved…not the least of which is losing your mind.
Each time I’ve taught driving to one of the kids, it’s been a little like a stress test. How long can I last before I take the keys? Or, maybe more to the point, how long will it be before this one can’t stand me being in the car with them anymore?
We go back and forth and it usually ends with me promising not to freak out every time they hit the brakes or pass another car. I think I’ve finally realized that grabbing the driver’s leg and gasping doesn’t help.
Yesterday, my daughter, Mikayla, got her driver’s permit. When we went to sign her up to take the test, I was sure she wouldn’t pass…or maybe I was praying. I hadn’t seen her study or go over the lessons we’d taught in our curriculum. I thought, “It will be a good lesson.”
So, when my husband, who went with her, texted me and said she had passed. I was surprised. She was thrilled! Her very next communiqué to me was, “Can I drive in the dark?” I’m thinking, “Here we go again!”
I’m not really sure why the Driver’s Ed thing stresses me out so much. My kids are really good drivers. The ones with licenses have good records and our insurance payments are not too bad. They have all breezed through learning to handle a vehicle carefully and have become competent drivers. Mikayla will be the same, I’m sure.
Maybe the driving isn’t the problem so much as it is the growing up. Letting them drive a car is somewhat symbolic of acknowledging that they are now young adults who are capable of pursuing their own dreams --- apart from me.
Maybe it’s because I remember being a driving teenager…and I remember where I went driving…and the close calls I had…ok, let’s not go there.
The next morning I proposed that we go out for breakfast. As expected, Mik wanted to drive. I resigned myself and we started out.
We got on the main road and proceeded through downtown. There were a few “Brake slowly!” and “Watch your speed!” and “Not so fast in that turn!” But otherwise it went pretty well. I didn’t clench my fists and no one could see my lip that I was biting.
She parked without incident and I got out of the car before letting out my breath. Apparently, I had been holding it.
As we ate, I thanked God that our main street and downtown were only eight blocks. I tried not to think about the city driving, freeway driving or out-of-town driving.
We finished breakfast and got back into the car. As we started back home, Mik asked, “So, when can we go driving in El Paso?” I tried not to panic and managed to reply calmly, “Let’s practice here in Van Horn for a while first.”
The Lord and I are getting to be really good friends through each of my “stress tests”. I’m so glad that I have a Friend to hold my hand as I slowly learn to let go of my children…one by one. Each time I let go of a child, I cling to Him harder. And He reminds me that He can take care of them much better than I.
Deanna, my oldest daughter, and I left for El Paso that evening. She already has her driver’s license and promised to drive the two hours into town. Once we hit the city limits, I could feel my blood pressure rising. The Rat Pack in the CD player helped but not completely and I found myself clenching and gasping no matter how hard I tried not to.
After a stop at the theatre, Deanna had pity on me and gave me the keys. With a sigh of relief, I got in and turned the engine over. Seatbelts fastened, I shifted into gear and pressed the accelerator gently, determined to be a good example to my daughter. The car didn’t move. Deanna turned to me, “Mom, the car won’t go if you have it in neutral.”
Gee whiz!! In teaching my kids to drive, the stress had affected my brain! Well, maybe I was just tired. Anyway, with one more to teach to drive, I’d better learn to stress less and trust more. Don’t worry, guys! God and I are working on it!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
I looked down at my hands wondering why they hurt. My knuckles were white and fingers clenched. As soon as I relaxed my hands, the dull ache went away.
You’d think that after the first four, the fifth would be easier. Not so. I think it’s because each child is an individual; and therefore, each is individual in the way they interpret the rules of the road.
As a home schooling parent, teaching Driver’s Ed as you would any other subject seems natural. Unlike any other subject, however, there are certain risks involved…not the least of which is losing your mind.
Each time I’ve taught driving to one of the kids, it’s been a little like a stress test. How long can I last before I take the keys? Or, maybe more to the point, how long will it be before this one can’t stand me being in the car with them anymore?
We go back and forth and it usually ends with me promising not to freak out every time they hit the brakes or pass another car. I think I’ve finally realized that grabbing the driver’s leg and gasping doesn’t help.
Yesterday, my daughter, Mikayla, got her driver’s permit. When we went to sign her up to take the test, I was sure she wouldn’t pass…or maybe I was praying. I hadn’t seen her study or go over the lessons we’d taught in our curriculum. I thought, “It will be a good lesson.”
So, when my husband, who went with her, texted me and said she had passed. I was surprised. She was thrilled! Her very next communiqué to me was, “Can I drive in the dark?” I’m thinking, “Here we go again!”
I’m not really sure why the Driver’s Ed thing stresses me out so much. My kids are really good drivers. The ones with licenses have good records and our insurance payments are not too bad. They have all breezed through learning to handle a vehicle carefully and have become competent drivers. Mikayla will be the same, I’m sure.
Maybe the driving isn’t the problem so much as it is the growing up. Letting them drive a car is somewhat symbolic of acknowledging that they are now young adults who are capable of pursuing their own dreams --- apart from me.
Maybe it’s because I remember being a driving teenager…and I remember where I went driving…and the close calls I had…ok, let’s not go there.
The next morning I proposed that we go out for breakfast. As expected, Mik wanted to drive. I resigned myself and we started out.
We got on the main road and proceeded through downtown. There were a few “Brake slowly!” and “Watch your speed!” and “Not so fast in that turn!” But otherwise it went pretty well. I didn’t clench my fists and no one could see my lip that I was biting.
She parked without incident and I got out of the car before letting out my breath. Apparently, I had been holding it.
As we ate, I thanked God that our main street and downtown were only eight blocks. I tried not to think about the city driving, freeway driving or out-of-town driving.
We finished breakfast and got back into the car. As we started back home, Mik asked, “So, when can we go driving in El Paso?” I tried not to panic and managed to reply calmly, “Let’s practice here in Van Horn for a while first.”
The Lord and I are getting to be really good friends through each of my “stress tests”. I’m so glad that I have a Friend to hold my hand as I slowly learn to let go of my children…one by one. Each time I let go of a child, I cling to Him harder. And He reminds me that He can take care of them much better than I.
Deanna, my oldest daughter, and I left for El Paso that evening. She already has her driver’s license and promised to drive the two hours into town. Once we hit the city limits, I could feel my blood pressure rising. The Rat Pack in the CD player helped but not completely and I found myself clenching and gasping no matter how hard I tried not to.
After a stop at the theatre, Deanna had pity on me and gave me the keys. With a sigh of relief, I got in and turned the engine over. Seatbelts fastened, I shifted into gear and pressed the accelerator gently, determined to be a good example to my daughter. The car didn’t move. Deanna turned to me, “Mom, the car won’t go if you have it in neutral.”
Gee whiz!! In teaching my kids to drive, the stress had affected my brain! Well, maybe I was just tired. Anyway, with one more to teach to drive, I’d better learn to stress less and trust more. Don’t worry, guys! God and I are working on it!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
Monday, December 19, 2011
The Box
This is the year. I can’t believe that the time has flown so fast. I can’t believe that just yesterday (it seems) we were sitting around the dining room table making things and putting the finishing touches on our creations. Now, it’s time to give the box.
Christmas time is my favorite time of year. Because we home school, we take off the whole month of December. We concentrate on making gifts, decorating and doing things in the community for the Christmas season. We get to make our house look beautiful with lights and greenery. Our Christmas tree sits in our living room window and can be seen by the passing traffic. It’s decorated with red and gold ribbon, lots of white lights, red and gold balls…and all of our homemade ornaments.
We started a tradition when my oldest son was about 2 years old. We started making Christmas ornaments. That first year it was a plastic cup (blue) decorated with ribbons and Christmas cards that we cut up. I poked a hole in the bottom of the cup and put a ribbon through it so that we could hang it like a bell on the tree. I still have that first ornament. It’s in my son’s box.
One year we got mini clay pots and painted them with acrylic paints and put in a bell that would clink when we hung them. Other years we’ve bought wooden ornaments from the craft store and painted them. We have bought ceramic ornaments ready to paint. We have taken material in different patterns and cut them in the shapes of Christmas trees, candy canes and bells – sewed them and stuffed them and hung them up. We’ve made pinecones into sparkly, beaded, belled and ribboned decorations. If you name it; we’ve probably made it.
Each year we would make our newest creations and hang them on our tree alongside the previous year’s crafted ornaments. Each year the kids would get better at crafting their ornaments and were proud of their creations. We would buy a few for good measure and divide them up amongst the kids for them to add to their “collection”. The idea being that when they left home and had a family of their own, they would have a box of ornaments for their own tree….someday.
This year my son is expecting his first child. The due date is mid-March. He will have his own family. Therefore, it is time to give him his box for Christmas.
It’s the first box we’ve given away. Every year prior to this, I have been able to lovingly hang the homemade baubles on the tree in our living room and reminisce over the fun and creative times we’ve had. But, this year his box will go. This year, he will have the option of hanging his own ornaments on his own tree…that won’t be in this house. It will be in his home…with his family.
I’m glad that he is beginning his own family. Even so, it’s hard for me to let go… but I know that I must. Next year, he will have his own family and his own Christmas. This is the end of Christmas as I know it; but the beginning of a new kind of Christmas.
Hopefully, he and his family will continue the tradition of making Christmas ornaments at Christmas time. That time together as a family making something and helping the children make their things was very special to us. I hope that it is passed on and that the family time will continue with his family. As a grandmother, I know that I will be included and am looking forward to it.
But, today….it is hard to give away the box. It’s not just a box. It’s memories. It’s love. But, love, when given, gives back so much more.
Son, enjoy your box. Enjoy the memories. Make some of your own. Pass on the love.
Christmas time is my favorite time of year. Because we home school, we take off the whole month of December. We concentrate on making gifts, decorating and doing things in the community for the Christmas season. We get to make our house look beautiful with lights and greenery. Our Christmas tree sits in our living room window and can be seen by the passing traffic. It’s decorated with red and gold ribbon, lots of white lights, red and gold balls…and all of our homemade ornaments.
We started a tradition when my oldest son was about 2 years old. We started making Christmas ornaments. That first year it was a plastic cup (blue) decorated with ribbons and Christmas cards that we cut up. I poked a hole in the bottom of the cup and put a ribbon through it so that we could hang it like a bell on the tree. I still have that first ornament. It’s in my son’s box.
One year we got mini clay pots and painted them with acrylic paints and put in a bell that would clink when we hung them. Other years we’ve bought wooden ornaments from the craft store and painted them. We have bought ceramic ornaments ready to paint. We have taken material in different patterns and cut them in the shapes of Christmas trees, candy canes and bells – sewed them and stuffed them and hung them up. We’ve made pinecones into sparkly, beaded, belled and ribboned decorations. If you name it; we’ve probably made it.
Each year we would make our newest creations and hang them on our tree alongside the previous year’s crafted ornaments. Each year the kids would get better at crafting their ornaments and were proud of their creations. We would buy a few for good measure and divide them up amongst the kids for them to add to their “collection”. The idea being that when they left home and had a family of their own, they would have a box of ornaments for their own tree….someday.
This year my son is expecting his first child. The due date is mid-March. He will have his own family. Therefore, it is time to give him his box for Christmas.
It’s the first box we’ve given away. Every year prior to this, I have been able to lovingly hang the homemade baubles on the tree in our living room and reminisce over the fun and creative times we’ve had. But, this year his box will go. This year, he will have the option of hanging his own ornaments on his own tree…that won’t be in this house. It will be in his home…with his family.
I’m glad that he is beginning his own family. Even so, it’s hard for me to let go… but I know that I must. Next year, he will have his own family and his own Christmas. This is the end of Christmas as I know it; but the beginning of a new kind of Christmas.
Hopefully, he and his family will continue the tradition of making Christmas ornaments at Christmas time. That time together as a family making something and helping the children make their things was very special to us. I hope that it is passed on and that the family time will continue with his family. As a grandmother, I know that I will be included and am looking forward to it.
But, today….it is hard to give away the box. It’s not just a box. It’s memories. It’s love. But, love, when given, gives back so much more.
Son, enjoy your box. Enjoy the memories. Make some of your own. Pass on the love.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Order & Routine
I must govern the clock, not be governed by it. - Golda Meir
Raise your hand if you’re a home schooling mom who has ever decided to schedule her day. I’m sure there are quite a few hands if I could see them. Much of the time, my frustration has been that I have either scheduled and it didn’t work or I didn’t know where to start. It may be the same for some of you. For me it went something like this:
We got super excited after attending the home school conference at the beginning of the year. We purchased new curriculum and acquired new knowledge that we wanted to cram into that gray matter between our children’s ears and we said to ourselves: “We’ve got to get organized this year!” Then we began by sitting down and writing out a schedule – Wake up @ 7 am; Breakfast @ 8 am; Math @ 8:30; Spelling @ 9; etc. Once we had scheduled our day down to every 15-minute increment, we posted the schedule on the refrigerator and vowed to follow it to the T!
It usually took me to about Thanksgiving to realize that I hadn’t followed our schedule for about 2 months and to wonder why we still had it posted on the refrigerator. (I needed that magnet for the Thanksgiving Menu!) After a long sigh, the schedule found its way to file thirteen and we went on our way. Somehow we managed without a schedule and the kids had their gray matter filled to the brim (almost). After all these years, I have discovered that my family didn’t really crave a schedule; but they did crave a routine.
We, as mothers, know that our children need order in their day. We realize that when they have something to look forward to and can predict what comes next, our job is easier and they are happier. We know something must be done and we must drive it…thus the schedule. We have the right idea; but I propose that there is a better way. Allow a seasoned veteran give you a few tips (seasoned just means I’ve learned the hard way). What you need is routine; not schedule.
I have come to define routine as: the order of the day. Rather than using time to define what we do when, I use a list of “First this…then this”. Instead of trying to lock us into set hours in the day, we have come to value order; and what drives our routine is habit instead of the clock.
The first habit I want my children to have is the habit of rising early. I agree with Benjamin Franklin, who said “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” I also realize that once they are out on their own, there will be very few jobs to be had that will not require rising early. So the first order of routine is to get out of bed before 7:30 am.
The next important habit is exercise. Being over 40, I am acutely aware of the value of exercise as a daily habit and I want my children to have the same habit. So, the easiest exercise to do anywhere or anytime is walking. It is also the most effective exercise we can do. Thus the next in our line of routine: After rising, we go for a walk.
Another important habit for us to have is eating a good, healthy breakfast and we do that after our walk. Sometimes showers, clean up and brushing teeth come before or after and they each decide for themselves. Since they are tall enough to reach the counter, I usually encourage them to take turns making breakfast for the rest of us.
The habit of reading God’s Word daily and praying is one of the best habits. Therefore, the next thing on our list is Devotions. We usually read something from Scripture and then pray about our day, people who are sick and our own personal requests. This 15 or 20 minutes is one of the most important in our routine. I feel extremely discombobulated if, for some reason, we don’t have Devotions. It helps us to connect with each other and with God before we start the difficulties of our day.
If I can teach my children to do the more difficult tasks first, then I have taught them to make their days easier. The habit of tackling the hard things will come in handy in a job, at home or at college. Thus the next order of business for the day is the hardest subject; usually math or science. The rest of “school” is usually priority driven and each day has its priority subjects: Tuesday is Greek and Government, Wednesday is Grammar and World History, etc. Once the hardest subject is conquered, the rest of their work goes like clockwork.
The day continues with our list of “First this…then this”: first you finish your Greek exercises and then it will be lunch; first thing after lunch is reading and then finish your assignments; first you must do chores and then you can entertain yourself (another good habit) or go off to your afternoon job. In this way, we get much done and feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day --- most of the time.
Early in my motherhood career, my dear friend taught me the value of a bedtime routine with my then-young children. I realized that when we had a routine before bed, mom and dad would get a little alone time before turning in ourselves. So, when bedtime came, first we would put on PJs, then we would brush our teeth and then snuggle into bed for a story. It didn’t really matter when bedtime started (8 p.m. or 9 p.m. or 10 p.m.) it just mattered that we maintained the same order and “ritual”. To this day, my children usually follow this routine. In fact, most of them cannot sleep until they have read their books at the end of the day.
Anytime we get away from our routine, we feel a little out of whack. After a vacation or road trip, we are always happy to get back to our routine. After Christmas break or summer excursions, it always feels good to get back on track. Having a routine gives us all a framework on which to hang our daily activities and gives us a context in which to fit our extra appointments. Without a routine, I fear that our lives would be chaos and our time would be wasted. And yet, with a routine, there is always room for flexibility but with some security to fall back on.
The best test of our routine came when I was sick one day with the flu. I couldn’t get out of bed at all, much less at 7:30 a.m. However, the children did and took their walk. They came home and fixed breakfast, checked on me, prayed over me, and went to tackle their math and follow their priorities for their school work. When I was able to drag myself out of bed at three in the afternoon for some water, I found them in the kitchen amiably doing their chores before they did their “fun” stuff. I was able to go back to bed knowing that all was well. You see, routine has another benefit: it runs by itself; and isn’t that the whole point?
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
Here’s my version: “Train your child in a good routine and when he gets older it will be something that he comes back to for the rest of his life.”
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The Value of Deprivation
Indulgence and convenience breeds the instant-gratification and entitlement mentality. – me
I sat on the edge of my bed crying my eyes out, hoping that none of the children would hear me. Crying out to God, I asked Him “Why?! Why don’t we have the money? Why don’t we have the opportunities? Are we doing the right thing by home schooling instead of enrolling them in the programs at the local high school?”
Just the other day, I had been talking to a friend from church. Her kids went to the local school and she was constantly bragging about this football game or that gymnastics meet. Her kids were taking ballet lessons and playing on the basket ball team. She seemed to be taking them everywhere and was talking to me about starting them in piano lessons. It sounded like all her kids were thriving and pursuing their dreams with mom making sure they got everything that they needed to succeed.
Thus the pity party. We didn’t have the money to enroll them in piano lessons or have them take ballet or gymnastics even though my girls had expressed the desire to do some of those things. My son wanted to take guitar lessons and the other son wanted to learn Taekwondo or Judo. Not only did I not have the money, but I couldn’t take the time away from the littlest ones and my home day care to drive them to these different things. That day I was questioning our decision to educate them at home with our limited resources instead of enrolling them in the high school where they could play sports, participate in band and explore their interests.
A couple of days later, I took the kids to the dentist. As we were waiting in the reception area, I happened to pick up a magazine they had on the table. Thumbing through it, I came to an article about parents who give their kids everything. The author had interviewed several affluent families who had made sure that their kids got all the instruments, cars and electronics that they wanted. In these families were stories about neglected instruments when the kids lost interest, automobile accidents due to carelessness, and the attitude in the children that they were “entitled” to these things and that they “deserved” to have what they wanted. After mom and dad quit footing the bill, these kids were lost, insecure and bitter because they now had to work in order to get what mom and dad had just given them. The light went on and suddenly, the pity party ended.
God had answered my questions. He had graciously pointed out to me that we had made the right decision and we now had to trust Him. He would see “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28). This changed my whole attitude and thought process toward my children’s desires and we decided to take a different track regarding them. Here were opportunities to teach our children eternal values – values that would stay with them throughout their lives and help them overcome obstacles and seize opportunities.
Contentment. God had us where we were for a purpose and in order to clearly see His purpose, we had to be content with what He had given us. We had a piano at the time (a bit out of tune) and my mother had given us her old guitar. I encouraged the kids to explore these instruments and see what they could do with them. My oldest son, Aaron, started playing by ear and my oldest daughter, Deanna, “wrote” her own song. Aaron took the guitar and spent hours in his room with a guitar chord chart he had found and taught himself to play several different songs. Deanna became familiar with the piano keys and spent time teaching her sisters to play her “song”.
Trusting God. When my son, Terence, came and asked me if he could take Judo lessons, I told him we would pray and ask God to bring that opportunity to us. Meanwhile, we would go to the Dojo right down the street and see what they charged for lessons. The Sensei invited Terence to come to one of the group sessions and because it was only a few blocks away, he could ride his skateboard over. God opened the door and the Sensei’s heart to Terence. Since he was the youngest in this class of police officers, he was allowed to attend these group sessions for free. He did that for about 9 months before we moved. God had taught us to trust Him. If we were willing to be faithful, He would bring opportunities to pursue the desires He had planted in our hearts.
Gratitude. When we moved to Van Horn, God provided an opportunity for my daughters to take piano lessons. At the time, He also provided the money and a piano. The girls faithfully (most of the time) pursued music for 3 years until our piano teacher moved away and we had to find a new home for the piano. But, because of the lessons, they could all now read music. We were grateful that God had provided this experience. Now, the girls take every opportunity to practice on the church piano and have used their skills to lead worship at church a time or two.
Determination. When Deanna came to me and said she wanted to learn everything she could about horses, I encouraged her to pray and ask God for the opportunity. That opportunity came through a friend in our home school group and she was able to spend a year working, training and riding horses. She plans to continue to pursue horses after college. It was hard work and she had to sacrifice a lot of time and do it even when she didn’t feel like it, but she was determined to learn all that she could.
Perseverance. We also learned that when God puts a drive or goal into our hearts, He will see it through regardless of our skill or resources. My other son, Adrian, has had a desire to write Rap music since he was 12. He has pursued that diligently with his own effort and resources – learning computer programs and buying electronic equipment a little at a time. God has been working in his heart for nine years (he is now 21) to reach teens in a whole new way by telling his own stories through his music. Even though he doesn’t read music at all, he has recently recorded his own album of songs and sold some of his music. God continues to open doors of opportunity for him to walk through.
Recently, my friend asked me how we could know if our children liked or had talent in some area if we didn’t give them the opportunity to try different things. My answer : “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” (Psa 37:4) God will plant those desires (likes and talents) into their hearts and then provide opportunities to pursue them if we seek Him. I see God working in my children’s lives all the time. He has planted desires in their hearts for His purpose and has helped them work toward that purpose step by step.
Through our inability to give them everything, they have learned to trust God to follow through instead of expecting us to grant their wishes. Through deprivation, they have learned to work toward what God has purposed for them. Through hardship and lack of resources, they have learned to be determined and diligent. Because of their lack, they have learned more about contentment and gratitude. It is these things that will be of the most value as they continue to live according to His purpose.
I sat on the edge of my bed crying my eyes out, hoping that none of the children would hear me. Crying out to God, I asked Him “Why?! Why don’t we have the money? Why don’t we have the opportunities? Are we doing the right thing by home schooling instead of enrolling them in the programs at the local high school?”
Just the other day, I had been talking to a friend from church. Her kids went to the local school and she was constantly bragging about this football game or that gymnastics meet. Her kids were taking ballet lessons and playing on the basket ball team. She seemed to be taking them everywhere and was talking to me about starting them in piano lessons. It sounded like all her kids were thriving and pursuing their dreams with mom making sure they got everything that they needed to succeed.
Thus the pity party. We didn’t have the money to enroll them in piano lessons or have them take ballet or gymnastics even though my girls had expressed the desire to do some of those things. My son wanted to take guitar lessons and the other son wanted to learn Taekwondo or Judo. Not only did I not have the money, but I couldn’t take the time away from the littlest ones and my home day care to drive them to these different things. That day I was questioning our decision to educate them at home with our limited resources instead of enrolling them in the high school where they could play sports, participate in band and explore their interests.
A couple of days later, I took the kids to the dentist. As we were waiting in the reception area, I happened to pick up a magazine they had on the table. Thumbing through it, I came to an article about parents who give their kids everything. The author had interviewed several affluent families who had made sure that their kids got all the instruments, cars and electronics that they wanted. In these families were stories about neglected instruments when the kids lost interest, automobile accidents due to carelessness, and the attitude in the children that they were “entitled” to these things and that they “deserved” to have what they wanted. After mom and dad quit footing the bill, these kids were lost, insecure and bitter because they now had to work in order to get what mom and dad had just given them. The light went on and suddenly, the pity party ended.
God had answered my questions. He had graciously pointed out to me that we had made the right decision and we now had to trust Him. He would see “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28). This changed my whole attitude and thought process toward my children’s desires and we decided to take a different track regarding them. Here were opportunities to teach our children eternal values – values that would stay with them throughout their lives and help them overcome obstacles and seize opportunities.
Contentment. God had us where we were for a purpose and in order to clearly see His purpose, we had to be content with what He had given us. We had a piano at the time (a bit out of tune) and my mother had given us her old guitar. I encouraged the kids to explore these instruments and see what they could do with them. My oldest son, Aaron, started playing by ear and my oldest daughter, Deanna, “wrote” her own song. Aaron took the guitar and spent hours in his room with a guitar chord chart he had found and taught himself to play several different songs. Deanna became familiar with the piano keys and spent time teaching her sisters to play her “song”.
Trusting God. When my son, Terence, came and asked me if he could take Judo lessons, I told him we would pray and ask God to bring that opportunity to us. Meanwhile, we would go to the Dojo right down the street and see what they charged for lessons. The Sensei invited Terence to come to one of the group sessions and because it was only a few blocks away, he could ride his skateboard over. God opened the door and the Sensei’s heart to Terence. Since he was the youngest in this class of police officers, he was allowed to attend these group sessions for free. He did that for about 9 months before we moved. God had taught us to trust Him. If we were willing to be faithful, He would bring opportunities to pursue the desires He had planted in our hearts.
Gratitude. When we moved to Van Horn, God provided an opportunity for my daughters to take piano lessons. At the time, He also provided the money and a piano. The girls faithfully (most of the time) pursued music for 3 years until our piano teacher moved away and we had to find a new home for the piano. But, because of the lessons, they could all now read music. We were grateful that God had provided this experience. Now, the girls take every opportunity to practice on the church piano and have used their skills to lead worship at church a time or two.
Determination. When Deanna came to me and said she wanted to learn everything she could about horses, I encouraged her to pray and ask God for the opportunity. That opportunity came through a friend in our home school group and she was able to spend a year working, training and riding horses. She plans to continue to pursue horses after college. It was hard work and she had to sacrifice a lot of time and do it even when she didn’t feel like it, but she was determined to learn all that she could.
Perseverance. We also learned that when God puts a drive or goal into our hearts, He will see it through regardless of our skill or resources. My other son, Adrian, has had a desire to write Rap music since he was 12. He has pursued that diligently with his own effort and resources – learning computer programs and buying electronic equipment a little at a time. God has been working in his heart for nine years (he is now 21) to reach teens in a whole new way by telling his own stories through his music. Even though he doesn’t read music at all, he has recently recorded his own album of songs and sold some of his music. God continues to open doors of opportunity for him to walk through.
Recently, my friend asked me how we could know if our children liked or had talent in some area if we didn’t give them the opportunity to try different things. My answer : “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” (Psa 37:4) God will plant those desires (likes and talents) into their hearts and then provide opportunities to pursue them if we seek Him. I see God working in my children’s lives all the time. He has planted desires in their hearts for His purpose and has helped them work toward that purpose step by step.
Through our inability to give them everything, they have learned to trust God to follow through instead of expecting us to grant their wishes. Through deprivation, they have learned to work toward what God has purposed for them. Through hardship and lack of resources, they have learned to be determined and diligent. Because of their lack, they have learned more about contentment and gratitude. It is these things that will be of the most value as they continue to live according to His purpose.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Getting Busy
“My philosophy was that if I could keep you busy, you’d stay out of trouble.” -- my mom.
This morning I look around the large dining room table. All five of us are sitting with books in front of us studying and scribbling. (I say “us” because I am usually learning just as much as the kids are.) Most of us are doing Math and I am helping our “adopted son”, Ricky, do his Geometry. Deanna is studying her Psychology book for her dual credit class.
A few moments go by and suddenly Deanna gets a light in her eye. “Hey, guys! Who wants to take a Psych quiz?” We can hear the zing in her voice. The rest of us look up and I hear around the table, “Sure!” (Anything to get a reprieve from math!). She starts with the first True or False question and that sparks a mini-discussion on the inner workings of the human brain. After the quiz and debate, we all go back to our scribbling and math.
Over the years, my approach to home schooling has changed. I remember when we started our first year. My oldest son was beginning 9th grade and the youngest was still digging in the dirt with mom’s spoons from the utensil drawer. That first home school day we gathered around the dining room table and said the Pledge of Allegiance and read our devotions. Then we started on the curriculum that I had purchased from the home school convention that we had attended over the summer. I was determined to do school the “right” way!
Three months later, the curriculum (for History) was pretty much tossed out and we were sprawled on the living room couches and floor reading aloud and playing Legos. Even the 9th grader was reading and doing an art project (instead of the research paper that the curriculum had called for). A few months later the kids could all recite Romans Chapter 8 from memory, but didn’t have a clue when the Revolutionary War had begun. We belonged to a Co-op and were memorizing our lines for the Shakespeare play instead of doing that Spelling book I’d purchased. We were all busy doing stuff and playing it by ear.
Because I started home schooling in the state of Maine, we had to have our children’s progress evaluated by a “certified teacher” every year (this was before we helped to change the law). So, at the end of that year, I was trying to write down everything that we had learned. If it weren’t for my veteran home school buddy, I would have been pulling out my hair. I knew we had all been busy doing things, but did they learn? I was sure I hadn’t taught anything!! We hadn’t finished ANY text book (except my oldest son had finished his Algebra 1 book, but not every page), we hadn’t done “school” they way I knew school, and I was positive that we were going to fail our “evaluation”.
My patient, practical, sweet friend came to my rescue. She pointed out to me that home schooling wasn’t “school at home” and that there were many more ways to learn than textbooks. She helped me put together a list of all of the books we had read together, reminded me about the “field trips” we had taken, showed me how to list all of the “projects” we had done (which I had thought were just playing and having fun), informed me that our watching the News coverage of 9/11 and subsequent discussion and prayer were, in fact, Current Events, and reminded me that my little girls could now read. Imagine that!! We had all learned lots of things that year.
The second year was totally different from the first. We used the same History Unit Study, but approached it a little differently. The older ones had desks that they never used. The hallway had a big white board hanging on one of the walls that we used sometimes. Our Co-op classes were our “core” classes and we did a lot of reading and more projects at home. The kids worked in their math books (mainly because we had met the author during the summer at the Convention), did “copy work” in their journals, memorized more Shakespeare and played in the back yard with their friends. We went on hikes, did some camping, took pictures, and watched some historical films. Basically, we just kept everyone busy.
Since then, I have realized that every year is going to be different. Not only do the children get older, learn more stuff, and have more responsibility; but so do I. The third year we invented some of our own curriculum, did Music Appreciation and attempted a time line (Time Lines never seemed to work for us). We added Latin to the list and decided that it was kinda fun. Each year after that has always changed.
I remember one year we did some of our “classes” on the front porch with a few extra kids thrown in the mix. One year we all had desks set up in the living room (which meant there was no room for couches). Another year, we all had “stations” in the den, but did most of our studying in the kitchen, on the living room floor or on the beds in our rooms. There was one year that I woke up at 7, went into the girl’s room and read aloud to them for 2 hours before we even started the day. Yet, everyone learned; everyone grew; and everyone did well.
Today, we just got rid of almost all of the desks that had been set up in our large front entry-way. The girls and I decided that we liked sitting around the dining room table and just keeping the books on the buffet table. (We easily find alternate uses for most of our furniture and living space.) I hung a medium-sized white board on one of the walls for our Greek and Grammar lessons and plugged in a “boom box” for our World History on CDs. I’m pretty sure that our “school-room” doesn’t look anything like a public school classroom; nor do our methods look anything like public school methods. But, for us, the dining room table, white board and “boom box” do the trick – this year.
“Mom, I need your help.” Mikayla was looking at her Math page. I went around the table and we both looked at the problem together. “Read it aloud to me.” I ordered. She did. Then the light went on in her eyes. “Never mind, mom, I get it.” And she started scribbling in her notebook. “Great! Glad I could help!” whispering as I walk back around the table to complete their lists for today.
A few minutes later, Deanna gets up from the table and stacks her books into a pile. “I’m going to check on the puppies,” she announces and goes out the back door. Leilani stacks her books and heads for the living room couch. “I’m going to read my book!” she informs us as she plops down with her feet up. Mik starts to stack her books, too. “Wait a minute!” I give her one of my I-know-you’re-trying-to-get-away looks. “Did you finish two pages?” She sighs deeply and opens her book again. “I hate Math!” she mutters. My response as I put the list on the center of the table: “Too bad, so sad! Get busy!”
“I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.” ~ Albert Einstein
“You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives.“ ~Clay P. Bedford
“In doing we learn.”~ George Herbert
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