A few weeks before our Christmas Cantata, our director, Julie, held auditions for the child soloist part in the production. Leilani, Mikayla and I came at the appointed time and she had each of the girls sing for the volunteer judges (two of the other choir members). Mikayla didn’t even want to audition and gave me trouble all of the way to church. Leilani was okay with it and just did what I asked.
I questioned my decision to “make” them audition, but then realized that these are just children and it wasn’t going to hurt them any to go through the experience. It wasn’t like I was one of those die hard stage moms taking the kids to every audition possible. This was a little Christmas Cantata and they had both been given a gift of singing by the Master. I decided that it was part of my parental responsibility to help them develop their gifts just as it was my responsibility to teach them math.
So, they auditioned. I stood out in the foyer listening as they each sang Away In a Manger and thought that they both had angelic voices. They each sang for the judges separately and I’m sure that the formality of it, thanks to Julie, was sufficiently professional and probably a little intimidating. I was proud of them for doing such a good job.
When Mikayla was done, she came and joined me in the foyer. “Mom,” she said seriously, “I don’t want to do the solo even if they choose me.”
“Why not?” my question was rather patronizing, I’ll admit.
“I don’t know. I just don’t.” was her answer.
Well, I wasn’t going to make her sing in the Cantata if her heart was not in it.
When Leilani was done, she and Julie joined us in the foyer. She told me that she would let me know later who got the part. She wasn’t sure that anyone else was going to audition, but wanted to be sure that everyone who wanted to got a chance.
That evening at our Cantata rehearsal she pulled me aside. “We decided that Mikayla should have the part.” She told me.
“What if she doesn’t want to sing the solo?” I asked remembering what Mikayla had told me that afternoon.
“Then Leilani will get the part. But whatever she decides, there is no changing her mind later.” Julie was adamant on this point and I admired her for it. Even though she has no children of her own, she seems to know just what these little minds wrap themselves around sometimes.
“Absolutely!” I agreed.
That evening when I informed the girls of Julie’s decision, their reactions were predictable. Mikayla was relieved that I was not going to make her do it and Leilani was quiet and matter-of-fact about singing the solo.
Sometimes I’m just like that proverbial Absent-minded Professor, and I didn’t really work with Leilani on her part. I played the CD a couple of times so that she could hear it and we practiced it along with our Children’s Choir part with the rest of our All Girls Choir, but I can’t say that I really helped her with it. The next thing I knew, she’d memorized it all and was ready to practice with the adults. Wow! I thought. She’s pretty serious about this.
The first time she sang for us in rehearsal, several of us had tears in our eyes. She looked so angelic and her voice was so sweet - just perfect for the song. I was beaming.
After that rehearsal, she came to me with doubt written all over her freckled face. “Mom. When I sing in front of everyone, I get so scared! Do I have to do it?”
I couldn’t believe it. She had seemed so ready and so capable. But, you know, I remembered being that age and singing in front of people and I remembered how nervous I was, too.
“Sweetie, if you weren’t a little scared, I’d be worried.” I reassured her. “I’ll be right there with you and you don’t have to worry. But you’ve committed to doing this and we have to follow through. I know you can do it.”
I could tell she wasn’t so sure. Meanwhile, Mikayla had come to me earlier that day. She had regret written all over her face.
“Mom. I wish I’d said I would sing the part.” She told me. I knew exactly how she felt, too. But, there was no “wishy-washyness” allowed.
“There will be other parts and other times that you will be able to sing. Right now, it is really great that your sister gets to do this. You can help her by encouraging her and telling her what a good job she’s doing.” I didn’t want her to envy Leilani’s spotlight.
The big night came. We all combed hair, put on costumes (Leilani was an angel in the Nativity), put on our best dresses, fixed our faces and went to church.
Leilani was nervous, Mikayla was excited, Deanna and Terence (who had no part in the production) were a little bored and Dad was energetically setting up the Proud Parent Recording Studio (a video camera off to the side). I was greeting everyone and trying to keep the All Girls Choir calm enough to listen to instructions. Thank goodness I had help in that area.
We sang through the first part of the Cantata and then the Children came onto the stage. The Girls Choir sang their part beautifully and I almost held my breath as the introduction to Leilani’s solo could be heard through the monitors. She came in right on cue. Every word was clearly pronounced and her voice was just perfect! She sang every note and finished with aplomb.
The rest of the Cantata was a bit of a blur. I know it sounded great, but I was still thinking of my beautiful daughter and her first solo in front of an audience. I could see that Ralph was thrilled with her as well.
Afterwards, Leilani got many congratulations, which she graciously received with sweet “Thank yous” to those who gave them. When I gave her a hug, she looked at me and said, “I was so scared! I was almost shaking!”
“You were very brave and did very well. I’m so proud that you sang in spite of being scared.” I told her. “You have a beautiful voice that God is going to use. You have just overcome the first obstacle in learning to use your gift.”
She smiled then and ran off to get some treats with her friends and sisters. I know that she felt a great sense of accomplishment.
How many of us are afraid to use what God has given us? I am sometimes. How many times have we had to overcome our fear of judgment in order to do His will? I’m thinking of some unpleasant moments in front of crowds. Have we given in to our fears at times? I know I have. But thinking of this little child, who was “so scared” but who did it anyway, gives me courage. If God can be with her when she sings her little solo, I know He will be with me whenever He calls me to use my gifts for Him.
Rom 12:5 – 6a So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us,
1Co 14:12 In the same way, since you're so desirous of spiritual gifts, you must keep on desiring them for the upbuilding of the church.
Joh 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
May we fear not. May we remember that God is with us whenever He calls us. May we continue to use our gifts for His kingdom and encourage our children to do the same.
Showing posts with label Leilani. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leilani. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The Breakdown
The Breakdown
“Dear God…help all mothers everywhere. We need so much help, with the little sensitive, loving hearts and minds that look to us for guidance and love and understanding.”
Anne of Ingleside
By L.M. Montgomery
Leaning over Terence’s shoulder, I was reading his narrative essay for the week. He’d done quite a good job with his descriptions of a fantastic landscape and the mythical creatures that inhabited it.
“Mom!!” I heard panic in the voice coming from outside the back door. I knew someone had been hurt and I rushed toward the door. As I opened it, Leilani ran toward me holding her wrist and screaming, “I cut my hand!!! Mom!! I cut my hand!”
My heart was in my mouth as I saw her hysterical face. Putting my arms around her I guided her toward the kitchen sink where we could wash it. I was trying to keep my voice calm and my actions matter-of-fact, but at Deanna’s “You both need to just calm down!” I could tell I wasn’t succeeding.
Leilani took her hand away from the cut, which was right under the heel of the hand on the wrist, and blood started running everywhere. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel so good and I could feel myself turning pale. Grabbing a washcloth, I put it against the cut, raised her arm above her head and squeezed until she said, “Ow, it hurts!”
“What happened exactly?” asked Deanna. She was trying to keep Leilani’s mind off of the blood and focused on something else to stay calm.
“I was climbing out of the tree and there was a little broken branch sticking out. When I swung down, it cut my hand!” Leilani was trying to speak clearly and think about the story instead of her cut. I think she was doing better than I.
Leilani had tears running down her cheeks and her lips were a bit blue against the pale white face where the freckles were standing out like little brown spots made with a marker. She looked up at me suddenly and said, “I have to go to the bathroom!” as she crossed her legs.
I guided her to the toilet still holding her wrist in my hand. My legs felt weak and I had to sit down. Deanna was there with a glass of water for Leilani, but I had to take a few sips myself. Mikayla brought 2 washcloths: one for me and one for Leilani. I put it against my face and tried to think of something else to keep from getting nauseous.
The thought that Leilani might really be badly hurt kept me from passing out completely. The thought that she could be so badly hurt was what was making me feel faint in the first place. This was my baby!
After a few moments, I dared to look under the cloth around her wrist. Thank goodness the bleeding had stopped completely and the cut was not as bad as I had thought at first. Now, I was faint with relief. My hands tingled and my legs felt like jelly.
Deanna looked at me and said, “Mom! Everything is going to be okay. Just take a deep breath. Here, have another sip!” and she handed me the glass of water.
“I think we need to lie down.” I said weakly. “Deanna, if you could get some BandAids and some antibiotic ointment for Leilani, I would really appreciate it.”
Leilani and I got up off the bathroom floor slowly. I had to take several deep breaths and so did she. In spite of it not being so bad, the cut still hurt. We went into the kitchen and let the luke warm water wash over the cut for about 5 minutes. She and I were both a little wet when we turned off the tap.
With relief on my part, we both collapsed into my bed and waited for our “nurse” (Deanna) to doctor Leilani’s cut. I was just glad to lie down and rest. I felt like I’d just been wrung dry by some great pair of hands. I couldn’t believe that I had reacted that way!
Why couldn’t I have been calm? Why did I get so weak in the knees? I’m usually not given to “vapors” at the sight of blood. What happened? Going over it all in my mind, I felt like a failure. Where was the strong, calm, in-control mother that I had envisioned myself to be?
Just as I got snuggled down into my down comforter with Leilani tucked against my shoulder and Mikayla lying next to Leilani, Ralph came in the room. Leilani had insisted on calling him to tell him what had happened. He took a look at the wrapping that Deanna had put on it and declared it a success. He told Leilani that he was proud of her for coming in and getting help like she did and letting her sister fix it up.
Later that evening I broke down and cried. Ralph comforted me and told me that I wasn’t a failure as a mom. God had orchestrated an opportunity for our daughters to shine: for Deanna to help and be the level-headed nurse, for Mikayla to be the comforter and Leilani to be the brave wounded soldier. They were given the opportunity to feel like they were a needed part of something bigger than themselves. They rose to the occasion and helped bring it to a successful conclusion.
I’m still trying to figure out how I’m not a failure and I’m still asking God to show me how to trust Him as my children grow into young men and young women. I am realizing one thing: this thing called Parenting is quite a journey; one in which it seems that destination is not as important as the road we travel.
Psa 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.
Psa 22:19 But you, O LORD, do not be far off! O you my help, come quickly to my aid!
Psa 40:16 - 17 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the LORD!" As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!
Echoing Anne’s prayer, I add to it: Psa 20:2 May he send you help from the sanctuary and give you support from Zion! May Our Lord continue to help us as we parent our children.
“Dear God…help all mothers everywhere. We need so much help, with the little sensitive, loving hearts and minds that look to us for guidance and love and understanding.”
Anne of Ingleside
By L.M. Montgomery
Leaning over Terence’s shoulder, I was reading his narrative essay for the week. He’d done quite a good job with his descriptions of a fantastic landscape and the mythical creatures that inhabited it.
“Mom!!” I heard panic in the voice coming from outside the back door. I knew someone had been hurt and I rushed toward the door. As I opened it, Leilani ran toward me holding her wrist and screaming, “I cut my hand!!! Mom!! I cut my hand!”
My heart was in my mouth as I saw her hysterical face. Putting my arms around her I guided her toward the kitchen sink where we could wash it. I was trying to keep my voice calm and my actions matter-of-fact, but at Deanna’s “You both need to just calm down!” I could tell I wasn’t succeeding.
Leilani took her hand away from the cut, which was right under the heel of the hand on the wrist, and blood started running everywhere. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel so good and I could feel myself turning pale. Grabbing a washcloth, I put it against the cut, raised her arm above her head and squeezed until she said, “Ow, it hurts!”
“What happened exactly?” asked Deanna. She was trying to keep Leilani’s mind off of the blood and focused on something else to stay calm.
“I was climbing out of the tree and there was a little broken branch sticking out. When I swung down, it cut my hand!” Leilani was trying to speak clearly and think about the story instead of her cut. I think she was doing better than I.
Leilani had tears running down her cheeks and her lips were a bit blue against the pale white face where the freckles were standing out like little brown spots made with a marker. She looked up at me suddenly and said, “I have to go to the bathroom!” as she crossed her legs.
I guided her to the toilet still holding her wrist in my hand. My legs felt weak and I had to sit down. Deanna was there with a glass of water for Leilani, but I had to take a few sips myself. Mikayla brought 2 washcloths: one for me and one for Leilani. I put it against my face and tried to think of something else to keep from getting nauseous.
The thought that Leilani might really be badly hurt kept me from passing out completely. The thought that she could be so badly hurt was what was making me feel faint in the first place. This was my baby!
After a few moments, I dared to look under the cloth around her wrist. Thank goodness the bleeding had stopped completely and the cut was not as bad as I had thought at first. Now, I was faint with relief. My hands tingled and my legs felt like jelly.
Deanna looked at me and said, “Mom! Everything is going to be okay. Just take a deep breath. Here, have another sip!” and she handed me the glass of water.
“I think we need to lie down.” I said weakly. “Deanna, if you could get some BandAids and some antibiotic ointment for Leilani, I would really appreciate it.”
Leilani and I got up off the bathroom floor slowly. I had to take several deep breaths and so did she. In spite of it not being so bad, the cut still hurt. We went into the kitchen and let the luke warm water wash over the cut for about 5 minutes. She and I were both a little wet when we turned off the tap.
With relief on my part, we both collapsed into my bed and waited for our “nurse” (Deanna) to doctor Leilani’s cut. I was just glad to lie down and rest. I felt like I’d just been wrung dry by some great pair of hands. I couldn’t believe that I had reacted that way!
Why couldn’t I have been calm? Why did I get so weak in the knees? I’m usually not given to “vapors” at the sight of blood. What happened? Going over it all in my mind, I felt like a failure. Where was the strong, calm, in-control mother that I had envisioned myself to be?
Just as I got snuggled down into my down comforter with Leilani tucked against my shoulder and Mikayla lying next to Leilani, Ralph came in the room. Leilani had insisted on calling him to tell him what had happened. He took a look at the wrapping that Deanna had put on it and declared it a success. He told Leilani that he was proud of her for coming in and getting help like she did and letting her sister fix it up.
Later that evening I broke down and cried. Ralph comforted me and told me that I wasn’t a failure as a mom. God had orchestrated an opportunity for our daughters to shine: for Deanna to help and be the level-headed nurse, for Mikayla to be the comforter and Leilani to be the brave wounded soldier. They were given the opportunity to feel like they were a needed part of something bigger than themselves. They rose to the occasion and helped bring it to a successful conclusion.
I’m still trying to figure out how I’m not a failure and I’m still asking God to show me how to trust Him as my children grow into young men and young women. I am realizing one thing: this thing called Parenting is quite a journey; one in which it seems that destination is not as important as the road we travel.
Psa 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.
Psa 22:19 But you, O LORD, do not be far off! O you my help, come quickly to my aid!
Psa 40:16 - 17 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the LORD!" As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!
Echoing Anne’s prayer, I add to it: Psa 20:2 May he send you help from the sanctuary and give you support from Zion! May Our Lord continue to help us as we parent our children.
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