The Value of Deprivation

Indulgence and convenience breeds the instant-gratification and entitlement mentality. – me

I sat on the edge of my bed crying my eyes out, hoping that none of the children would hear me. Crying out to God, I asked Him “Why?! Why don’t we have the money? Why don’t we have the opportunities? Are we doing the right thing by home schooling instead of enrolling them in the programs at the local high school?”

Just the other day, I had been talking to a friend from church. Her kids went to the local school and she was constantly bragging about this football game or that gymnastics meet. Her kids were taking ballet lessons and playing on the basket ball team. She seemed to be taking them everywhere and was talking to me about starting them in piano lessons. It sounded like all her kids were thriving and pursuing their dreams with mom making sure they got everything that they needed to succeed.

Thus the pity party. We didn’t have the money to enroll them in piano lessons or have them take ballet or gymnastics even though my girls had expressed the desire to do some of those things. My son wanted to take guitar lessons and the other son wanted to learn Taekwondo or Judo. Not only did I not have the money, but I couldn’t take the time away from the littlest ones and my home day care to drive them to these different things. That day I was questioning our decision to educate them at home with our limited resources instead of enrolling them in the high school where they could play sports, participate in band and explore their interests.

A couple of days later, I took the kids to the dentist. As we were waiting in the reception area, I happened to pick up a magazine they had on the table. Thumbing through it, I came to an article about parents who give their kids everything. The author had interviewed several affluent families who had made sure that their kids got all the instruments, cars and electronics that they wanted. In these families were stories about neglected instruments when the kids lost interest, automobile accidents due to carelessness, and the attitude in the children that they were “entitled” to these things and that they “deserved” to have what they wanted. After mom and dad quit footing the bill, these kids were lost, insecure and bitter because they now had to work in order to get what mom and dad had just given them. The light went on and suddenly, the pity party ended.

God had answered my questions. He had graciously pointed out to me that we had made the right decision and we now had to trust Him. He would see “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28). This changed my whole attitude and thought process toward my children’s desires and we decided to take a different track regarding them. Here were opportunities to teach our children eternal values – values that would stay with them throughout their lives and help them overcome obstacles and seize opportunities.

Contentment. God had us where we were for a purpose and in order to clearly see His purpose, we had to be content with what He had given us. We had a piano at the time (a bit out of tune) and my mother had given us her old guitar. I encouraged the kids to explore these instruments and see what they could do with them. My oldest son, Aaron, started playing by ear and my oldest daughter, Deanna, “wrote” her own song. Aaron took the guitar and spent hours in his room with a guitar chord chart he had found and taught himself to play several different songs. Deanna became familiar with the piano keys and spent time teaching her sisters to play her “song”.

Trusting God. When my son, Terence, came and asked me if he could take Judo lessons, I told him we would pray and ask God to bring that opportunity to us. Meanwhile, we would go to the Dojo right down the street and see what they charged for lessons. The Sensei invited Terence to come to one of the group sessions and because it was only a few blocks away, he could ride his skateboard over. God opened the door and the Sensei’s heart to Terence. Since he was the youngest in this class of police officers, he was allowed to attend these group sessions for free. He did that for about 9 months before we moved. God had taught us to trust Him. If we were willing to be faithful, He would bring opportunities to pursue the desires He had planted in our hearts.

Gratitude. When we moved to Van Horn, God provided an opportunity for my daughters to take piano lessons. At the time, He also provided the money and a piano. The girls faithfully (most of the time) pursued music for 3 years until our piano teacher moved away and we had to find a new home for the piano. But, because of the lessons, they could all now read music. We were grateful that God had provided this experience. Now, the girls take every opportunity to practice on the church piano and have used their skills to lead worship at church a time or two.

Determination. When Deanna came to me and said she wanted to learn everything she could about horses, I encouraged her to pray and ask God for the opportunity. That opportunity came through a friend in our home school group and she was able to spend a year working, training and riding horses. She plans to continue to pursue horses after college. It was hard work and she had to sacrifice a lot of time and do it even when she didn’t feel like it, but she was determined to learn all that she could.

Perseverance. We also learned that when God puts a drive or goal into our hearts, He will see it through regardless of our skill or resources. My other son, Adrian, has had a desire to write Rap music since he was 12. He has pursued that diligently with his own effort and resources – learning computer programs and buying electronic equipment a little at a time. God has been working in his heart for nine years (he is now 21) to reach teens in a whole new way by telling his own stories through his music. Even though he doesn’t read music at all, he has recently recorded his own album of songs and sold some of his music. God continues to open doors of opportunity for him to walk through.

Recently, my friend asked me how we could know if our children liked or had talent in some area if we didn’t give them the opportunity to try different things. My answer : “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” (Psa 37:4) God will plant those desires (likes and talents) into their hearts and then provide opportunities to pursue them if we seek Him. I see God working in my children’s lives all the time. He has planted desires in their hearts for His purpose and has helped them work toward that purpose step by step.

Through our inability to give them everything, they have learned to trust God to follow through instead of expecting us to grant their wishes. Through deprivation, they have learned to work toward what God has purposed for them. Through hardship and lack of resources, they have learned to be determined and diligent. Because of their lack, they have learned more about contentment and gratitude. It is these things that will be of the most value as they continue to live according to His purpose.